Getting angry/firm with mom

2parents/brain change

My mom is in late stage dementia. In SKN memory care. She cries and cries. She is anxious. She is on meds of course, they never seem to really work very well.

Here's the thing, What happens if we get in mom's face and say, just stop crying! I watched someone else do this with their mom and wondered, does that really help?

Anonymousjpl123

I can’t imagine it would help, but I do understand the temptation! I think it’s part of this disease and part of how each person responds individually. I have learned that the best way of me supporting my LO with dementia means trying to find out what if anything is causing their distress, and, regardless of whether it’s real or imagined, trying to soothe her. It sometimes works. Maybe music? Talking about something she like before? Or just holding her hand? This is all I can think of. Maybe others have better suggestions.

I’m so sorry, this is all so hard.

2parents/brain change

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/214358#Comment_214358

Oh thanks so much for your response. I totally agree. My sister relayed this incident to me. She does the visits, I live out of town. I understand her temptation to do this and perhaps it gave her the strength to continue her visit with mom as mom calmed down and they 'got through' the visit.

Sometimes I write on this website just to talk to someone else dealing with parent or parents with dementia. and that means dealing with siblings and how siblings interract with the parent and in our case, the staff of the facility.

I can't tell my sister how to manage her end of mom's care. I know its brutal and I support in every way I can think of. Sometimes I 'wince' at her approach to mom. On the other hand, she does care deeply and many of their visits are positive.

Thank you so much for just giving me someone to talk to!