Is it the Disease or Mom?

valerieorr

For the last several weeks our 86 old mom with dementia has been getting increasingly frustrated with her inability to answer the phone, use the TV remote, sometimes turn off the water, lots of things.

I am wondering if it is the disease when she takes her frustration out on us and will wash the dishes she's used and leave ours and take the remote to her room when she's ready for bed (she's told us it's her remote and her TV), leaving it on while we're trying to sleep. We did discover another remote that will turn the TV off that she is unaware of. She doesn't seem to be absent mindedly picking up the remote or ignoring the dishes; it really looks intentional. I understand that she must be frustrated by a number of things and one is that she doesn't see herself as needing our help in any way; but is it always the disease or could some situations just be her?

jfkoc

Any change in behavior like that calls for a trip- to Urgent care for a UTI test. UTIs can be life threatening if left untreated

H1235

My mom was/is angry with everything dementia (my brother and I) has taken away from her. She believes she can still do everything she did 10 years ago. I have noticed a lack of empathy and some vindictiveness. Saying things like well it serves you right for - whatever I have asked her to do or not do that she finds unreasonable. I wonder if that is what your mom is doing by not washing your dishes or keeping the TV remote. We have her on a new medication to try to stabilize her moods, but she is still struggling. I really think it’s the dementia, but there are times when I wonder if she is just being difficult. If the change is sudden I agree with jfkoc that a uti should be ruled out. If she is upset and angry maybe it’s time to talk with her doctor about medication to help with that. Good luck.

SusanB-dil

For DH and I, we often get the feeling it is a bit of both - it is partly her and partly the disease. She has told us she resents having us in HER house constantly and will do something off-the-wall, for example, crank up tv volume, then totally glare at us. We request her to turn it down and she tells us 'no'. DH has turned it down anyway, and she just grins. 'this' disease.. it is bizarre! We also figure it is 'partly her' BECAUSE OF the disease.

I HATE this disease. (Yes, I say that every so often)

cutiecookie

> @valerieorr said:
> For the last several weeks our 86 old mom with dementia has been getting increasingly frustrated with her inability to answer the phone, use the TV remote, sometimes turn off the water, lots of things.
> I am wondering if it is the disease when she takes her frustration out on us and will wash the dishes she's used and leave ours and take the remote to her room when she's ready for bed (she's told us it's her remote and her TV), leaving it on while we're trying to sleep. We did discover another remote that will turn the TV off that she is unaware of. She doesn't seem to be absent mindedly picking up the remote or ignoring the dishes; it really looks intentional. I understand that she must be frustrated by a number of things and one is that she doesn't see herself as needing our help in any way; but is it always the disease or could some situations just be her?

Sounds like my mom. Sigh. I tell myself it's the disease. I think it's hard to accept help.