False Memories

katyross74

I am caring for my mother who was diagnosed a little over a year ago. I have seen quite a decline in her memory and understanding. But, what I struggle with most is how to handle false memories. For example, whenever we are out at a restaurant or shopping, she will make comments like "we always sit here" or "that family is always here when we are" or "that guy was here yesterday complaining." Often times, we have never been to the restaurant and we don't go to the same shopping establishments daily. If I try to correct her by saying something about never being there before or never seeing that person or even that we weren't there the day before, she gets argumentative. I have tried just going with the flow and that seems to frustrate her too, causing her to think I am lying or pacifying her. Is this common? How do others handle situations like this??

SusanB-dil

Hi katyross74 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Yes, these 'confabulations' are common. We go with the flow. "oh, I don't remember seeing that person" or "oh, isn't that something!"

We go to one restaurant (where MIL is comfortable), and MIL will tell us how she used to go there with other teachers to meet up sometimes. She retired before this place was built. "Oh, that must have been nice!" is our usual comment. We are pretty sure she and her coworkers used to go 'somewhere' for lunch or coffee, it just couldn't have been this particular place.

We were at a house one day, MIL said that when she was a little girl, her family would visit this house and she would play with the children next door and their dad was a truck-driver. The particular house wasn't built until 1986, so that wasn't possible. I also know the family next-door, and the father, although has passed now, was a welder for a company. Our standard comment: "Oh, that must have been fun!"

Again - we think she is remembering 'something', but just putting it together in a jumbled way that makes sense only to her.

To attempt correction is futile. Don't argue, it will just get you both frustrated.

mabelgirl

My mom swears that the police arrest me and she’s seen it but then says I don’t understand why they don’t keep you! 🤭 I tell her they had me confused with someone else.

Me&Sis

These are so much harder for me than for caregivers. They listen as she's starting a conversation and might even ask her questions like "did you see ___ when you were traveling to ___?" She will then carry on with the story. I have a much harder time playing along, because I want to correct. She believes the weather man on the tv in the morning was husband to her good friend, and he was such a fun guy when they would go out to dinner together. I can't ask her about those dinners, when I know she's never met the weatherman! I would for sure not argue. Just play along, nod, comment in affirmation…