Support

Alayna92

Hello,
I am the youngest of my mother’s 3 daughters. I am taking it the hardest but I am able to be there for her on the weekends, as I work full time. I need some opinions. I feel depressed and sad because she doesn’t want to hang out with me sometimes when I have my daughter. She is 7 years old. They say that my mother’s condition is late stage Alzheimer’s disease and there is no slowing it down. It has taken a toll on me. I just need some support on how to handle her bursts of anger. Most days she is happy with a smile on, and some days she is irritated, mad, and easily agitated.

jen ht

Hi Alayna92,

I am new here, so I'm not sure that I have advice for you. But I do hear you and I can relate.

I have called the Alzheimer's 24/7 number a couple of times when I was feeling really stuck about next steps. If you haven't given that a try, it's something you might consider.

Wishing you peace and a path forward through the times when she is irriated.

Here's more about the number https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/helpline

24/7 HELPLINE 800.272.3900

harshedbuzz

@Alayna92 Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

This is a really difficult situation. It’s hard to be the youngest in some family dynamics. Sometimes the lion’s share of caregiving falls on the shoulders of the sib with fewer responsibilities or who is still local. Sometimes, their input is not respected by older sibs who are used to being the decision makers. Sometimes there is a sense of greater impact as you will have less time and less quality time with your mom compared to siblings. If your sisters have kids who are older than your DD, it’s likely they will have memories of a different grandmother than they have now that your DD won’t have.

The reality is that many PWD don’t like children— your mom may even see your DD as competition for your attention. And because PWD lose their social filters, she’ll be vocal about it. One poor daughter was sandwiched between caring for her mom with dementia and her preschool aged granddaughter. Mom was jealous of the kid and once attempted to spray the child with what she thought was Raid. It might be best to see mom without your little girl which will mean seeing less of them both. By the late stages of the disease, orientation to time is poor meaning mom won’t really have a sense of how often or how long you’re there.

Mom may not recall exactly who she is. Memory is LIFO, so memories of younger family members will be hazier than of older family members. Dad could recall my sister’s kids, but thought of them as elementary school age when they were in their 30s. He kind of/sort of knew my son who was 24ish but once mistook his urologist for DS. He had one of those digital frames and I sent over a picture of my younger niece at 8 and his urologist (as a joke). He knew the niece who he hadn’t seen in almost 10 years but not DS who was doing tings at his house weekly.

Wrapping your mind around this situation can be painful. This group is great. There are also IRL and online meetings. Some short term counseling might be a good idea, too.

HB

mabelgirl

Have you explained to your daughter that grandma’s brain is broken? My great granddaughter visits me often and my mom who I care for is mean and nasty to me. She doesn’t lash out at my great granddaughter but she witnesses the behavior towards me and that brothers her. I’ve explained how mom’s brain is broken and that helps her understand but I know she is feeling resentment towards my mom. I try to keep us away from mom as much as possible. I would suggest you do same for your daughter.