Frustrated!

Abby1567

For the most part, DH is very easy to care for. I hate our situation and I long for what used to be a happy, content life, but I feel fortunate because I know it could be allot worse. Every once in awhile he comes up with something that throws me for a loop, though. Lately he refuses to cut his toe nails. He says they don’t hurt and he doesn’t have to cut them. They’re gross! They look like curled up claws and this can’t be good! Has anybody else dealt with this? And, if so, what did you do? I’m very frustrated with him!

tigersmom

@Abby1567 , I had to get down there and do this myself. It wasn’t easy; he flinched and howled a lot, even though I was careful not to hurt him. Other posters suggested taking him to a podiatrist when I asked this question. You know your husband; is it worth trying, or better to make an appointment? Telling my DH we’d have to go to the doctor if he didn’t let me try to help him worked for me. For now.

fmb

DH did not like me cutting his toenails either. Now that he is in an ALF, a podiatrist comes regularly to trim residents' toenails and check their feet. He has the proper tools and technique to make it a very quick and painless process, and DH doesn't seem to be bothered by it at all. I also like the added benefit of having DH's feet checked because he has a great deal of edema from congestive heart failure. Medicare pays for it.

If you don't think your DH would go, could you possibly enlist the cooperation of the podiatrist to pretend that it's an appointment for you? The podiatrist could give your feet a cursory exam and then tell your DH that since he's already there, he wants to look at DH's feet. Once your DH sees that it's quick and painless, he might be amenable to future appointments.

Whyzit2

Out senior center has an RN come in once a week for pedicare appointments so we both go. I am treated first and I OOOOO and AHHH because she also gives a brief foot massage which sets the stage for DH to have his appointment. He always says it feels good. She charges $40 each but the results are worth it.

hiya

I took DH to a podiatrist. I told him it was a foot check up like he goes to the Dr for yearly and that now he turned this age it’s required by his insurance.

ButterflyWings

Medicare sent a podiatrist to our home on the schedule we agreed to. Monthly at one point. Then I pushed it to quarterly because DH has no issues with his feet, toenails, etc. and does not have diabetes or heart problems- no condition that would merit the (minimal) cost for a regular house call to do a foot check.

When they initially called to offer the service, I thought it was a good idea as he had a swollen big toe and I feared an ingrown toenail or something that might get infected. It turned out to be a non-issue. I realized later he likely had just stubbed his toe on an uneven tile entering the bathroom (tiles lifted up after the flooding/overflow a few times from his toilet-clogging activities and also rocking/dislodging the wax seal trying to manage his own toileting transfers, balance on one cheek while still seated wiping, etc. in mid-stages before I took over full bathroom supervision, hygiene, etc.. (I am going through the s-l-o-o-o-w process right now to have minor VA benefit to help replace the old, low toilet finally, and will need a carpenter to repair warped wood on the subfloor then handyman for new tiles. Off topic, sorry, I went down the rabbit hole that dementia will take you down every time with the peel the onion syndrome. One thing leads to another, and another, and…)

That is one example of why this PDW caregiving life can reach overload so easily, and this was one thing I decided we could do without. He was ill and not feeling up to it when I cancelled the first time, and we just never rescheduled since he lets me do his nails on both hands and feet with no problem. But I can recommend the service. They were very professional and fast, and the house call option made it so convenient.

FTDCaregiver1

oh ya, DW simply can't clip nails, hasn't for years now. Got a good set of clippers, sat on one side, gave her some cookies to occupy her, clip, clip, yell..yell.., clip and then sat on her other side to do the other foot, repeat the process. Have to stop a few times until she calmed down, or beguile her with another cookie but I get it done. Redirection with cookies works for me or I do it with the in-home aid who helps distract her long enough to get it done. There's always going to be agitation, its normal. Perhaps having someone help distract him, food, snacks?

Joe C.

DW went from getting mani/pedis on a regular basis to hating having either finger or toe nails clipped in a very short space of time. My solution, when she was still home I use to clip her nails when she was asleep.

harshedbuzz

This is not uncommon.

Having one’s nails trimmed can be a sensory challenge for PWD. Two of mom’s sisters let their toenails “go” as one of the behaviors that led to their diagnoses. One got so bad she couldn’t wear shoes and the other’s were worse and grew under her toes. Nightmarish stuff. Oddly, both were content to file their fingernails.

In both situations, the PCP referred them to a podiatrist.. The latter was mildly sedated to manage the procedure; she had to see the podiatrist going forward. The former went to a nice MCF with an in-house salon that offered hair and nail services which she enjoyed so it was no longer an issue.

HB

Bailey's Mom

DH was recently diagnosed with alzheimer's…his PCP prescribed donzepil. I was wondering if he should have a PET scan, which va will cover, or if it is basically a waste of time and added stress for him.

orth

that is a good question. My DW is fighting hard not to have a PET scan. I stopped bringing it up. Is it worth having? Does it really matter?

mrahope

Just a tiny addition: if you are doing it yourself, I second the recommendation for a distraction. When DH was still at home, DD would distract him by talking about a subject he knew well so he could "share" his knowledge with her. He would happily lecture for at least 10 minutes as she nodded along and I cut the nails. DH was content to visit a nail salon most of the time, but during the pandemic we did have to do it ourselves. Two things that helped: ordered a set of heavy duty clippers from Amazon and got a large bowl of warm water in which he could soak his feet to soften the nails just a little. YMMV

H1235

My mom gave us a rough time with toe nail. They are very thick and hard to clip(maybe due to diabetes). She insisted she just needed her dremel tool🙄. I made an appointment with a podiatrist. She was very mad! She went but refused to wear her warm coat on a very cold day. She needed a win and not wearing her coat was worth it. I had to call to schedule the next appointment because she said she was not going back and I didn’t want her to make a scene in the office. She did go back, but didn’t speak to me for almost a week. Good luck

Abby1567

Thanks to all of you! I think I’ll try taking him to a podiatrist to see if he will cooperate. Life sure is an adventure for all of us, isn’t it?!

jsps139_

I always schedule my DH podiatrist appointment at 11:30. When I wake him up I tell him that he has an appointment to get his toenails cut (he says … they don’t need cut) and THEN WE ARE GOING OUT FOR LUNCH. I talk about different restaurants, and he gets excited about the lunch. The podiatrist is so funny and talkative. He always has a good time while he’s there.