How to say "No" to adopt a new dog

Susan_B

Hi everyone: I'm really struggling with this one. My MIL's beloved dog passed away two weeks ago. He had been getting sick over the past weeks and she never identified that there was something wrong with him. Example: he had a huge tumor on his toe that burst open and bled everywhere. She only cleaned the blood on the floor, didn't realize he was bleeding and needed medical attention. We took him home to care for him before he passed. We didn't realize her dementia was causing her not to be able to reason/make normal associations/decisions. Mom is still living alone in her house on her own while we provide supporting care with meds, Dr visits, cleaning, shopping, etc. (oven/stove is turned off - she only uses microwave). Since her dog died, she is missing the daily routine and companion. She is insisting that she wants to get another dog. Her sons just tell her "No" but I've been trying to be honest and tell her she no longer has the capacity to care for a dog. I think this is really hurting her feelings so I am not going to do that anymore. But how do I pacify her desire for a dog without letting her actually HAVE one. I've seen those AI stuffed pets but she is not that far along in dementia that would fool her. Any suggestions???

SusanB-dil

Hi Susan_B - you use fiblets and do not tell her she can no longer care for a dog. You could try telling her something to the effect that you are checking shelters and will check again maybe next week. repeat, next week, next week…

Please make sure paperwork is in order as far as DPOA and HIPPA access.

Are you and the sons watching out for her daily? If she cannot notice the tumor, even after cleaning it up, wondering if she should still be left alone?

Susan_B

Thank you for your response @SusanB-dil ! Yes we always have someone checking in on her daily and have cameras there to ensure she is okay. We are trying to keep her home as long as possible as we know it will be extremely difficult for her to move. We have her DPOA & Advanced Directive and medical/banking all have one of her children on them. Is there a separate HIPPA approval needed? I was under the impression that comes with the DPOA.

SusanB-dil

Good for the paperwork! I see that struggle a lot here.

Depending on how the DPOA is worded, yes, the HIPPA should be covered. I know it is for MIL.

H1235

If she is not making the connection between blood on the floor and the dog needing care what other connections might she not be able to make. Smoke-fire, smoke alarm-fire, stranger at the door-danger, etc. It’s great that the oven is turned off and you have cameras, but it might be time to reevaluate if that is enough.

SiberianIris

My mom is currently in ALZ stage 4. She has not had a dog in a long time but always enjoys when I bring mine to visit. Lately, however, she had started commenting "how nice it would be to have a little dog". Some of the younger residents in her community have dogs, so she frequently sees them on the property.

I brought her a Joy For All robotic dog, and she just LOVES it. I am just blown away by how much she loves it. She even told me "This is the nicest present anyone has ever given me." (She is often prone to superlatives, but this made me feel really good ❤️.) She knows that it's not a real dog, but the fact that it responds and interacts with her keeps her entertained and happy.

You know your mom best, so I don't know how she might respond to a robotic pet, especially in light of just losing her real dog. I just presented it as a "cute stuffed animal" and "isn't it amazing what computers can do nowadays" as opposed to being any kind of replacement for a real dog. She tells me "he is such good company, but I'm glad I don't need to walk it or feed it."