Transitioning to MC

Daisie

Would any of you mind sharing your experiences broaching the subject of moving your LO into memory care? I will be having this discussion soon and want to hear the good, bad, and ugly!

M1

Do you mean that you intend to discuss it with your mother? I wouldn't. From what you have written, she is fairly advanced and has trouble recognizing you, correct? She won't be able to process any discussion. I understand that this is counterintuitive, but you can't reason with a broken brain, and she won't remember it anyway.

If you tell her at all, you tell her when you take her. You tell her you're going for a doctor's appointment or lunch, have the staff meet her at the door and escort her to a meal or activity. You say the doctor wants you to stay here (for therapy, until you feel better, etc.), or you say that there's a problem with the house, or that you're going out of town and found this nice place for her to stay. Then you leave while staff takes over, and you follow their advice about when you come back to visit.

My partner has never settled easily into memory care and continues to want to leave, but she doesn't remember our home or that we ever lived together. She wants to go to her childhood home in Texas. I tell you that so that you don't expect your mom to remember that she currently lives with you. She'll probably forget it pretty quickly. I hope she has an easy adjustment, but talking to her about it ahead of time won't serve any useful purpose.

SusanB-dil

Totally agree - you don't discuss it.

Have the room ready before you bring her. Could have someone help set it up while you go to lunch maybe? Then it is just "staying here 'for now', due to finding out about a broken pipe at the house, or there for extra rehab after you have a doc appt" whatever works.

CaliforniaGirl-1

We did not discuss it. We just said a better room has become available. My LO was and is much happier in MC. She was overwhelmed by the choices and footprint in AL and liked the smaller community in MC. And they immediately picked up on a few care issues that were not noticed in AL.