In Home help

AudMg · July 16

We had an incident last week: I left my husband alone for 90 minutes while I ran errands and when I returned he had either allowed a total stranger into our house to "view something" in the backyard or he hallucinated the entire episode. Then this week his diagnosis was changed from mild cognitive impairment to early stages dementia. He had a total lapse in memory today when he could not recall my name (we've been married almost 30 years.) Today I secured help from a local agency to have someone here who can be with him, prepare meals, etc. but my husband is reluctant - referring to them in negative terms and viewing it as punishment. He is convinced that the "visitors" as he calls them will move in and "boot him out.". I am exhausted trying to convince him that it is for his safety and that they will only be here when I am not able to be here. Has anyone else had success in convincing their LO to accept outside help?

terei · July 16

Quit trying to convince him of anything. Tell him that the person is there to help YOU because you need help. OR you can tell him you are helping out this ‘friend’ who lost their job + they need some financial support til they get on their feet. Have the person do some things(ignoring your H like dusting or something til he gets used to them being there

H1235 · July 16

I would try to come up with another explanation for them being there. A new friend stopping by to say hi. They’re here to help with house cleaning. What ever you can come up with that he might accept. Trying to convince him he needs help is probably not going to be successful and will just cause anger (if he is anything like my mom). It has to be hard to go against what he wants. Continuing to think of him as your partner with equal input in decision making will no longer work. So sorry!

M1 · July 16

Welcome to the forum. Tell him :1) it's a friend who needs a job; 2) it's help for you, not him. He probably has anosognosia (inability to perceive his deficits) and truly thinks he's fine. Don't discuss his safety or a dementia diagnosis with him. Stay with the caregiver the first time or two until trust is established. Keep us posted how it goes. I know how the not recognizing you is,a gut punch. A lot of us have been through it.

SusanB-dil · July 17

Hi AudMg - welcome to 'here' but sorry for the reason.

Yes, totally agree with what's been posted about help. I am glad you are getting some assistance. This mess is hard.

It is very disheartening when your LO doesn't realize who you are. Sorry you are dealing with that.

Victoriaredux · July 17

Did they check him for a UTI?

MN Chickadee · July 19

Reasoning won't work anymore, his brain can't process it. Come up with a therapeutic fib. The person is a friend who needs some work right now, or a volunteer from church, a nursing student who needs hours with the senior population, a cleaning service the kids gifted to you, or whatever may fly. Keep up the fib and ease into it. Maybe stay home the first few times and then slowly start going out for short outings. With time he should adjust and forget about it being a new thing.