thinking of her

ronda b

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216157#Comment_216157

Yes

Caro_Lynne

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216200#Comment_216200

Thanks for the reminder; need to hear that.xo

Carmen M

Miss everything about my loved one. How we went camping, watching him play sports, yes have intelligent conversations, enjoying meals together and socializing with our friends. like many others, we have a quiet and uneventful existence. We have our daily routine and that's about it. I also feel guilty when I want time away for myself. I have a caregiver 3x a week for four hours each day. I thought it would allow me to have some private time but not always the case. Now the three of us do things together away from the house. my loved one wants me around and when I am gone….he watches the clock.

Keep the faith everyone!! We are all AMAZING

JC5

I miss having someone to lean on and care about me ! Wow! This beast takes so much away for everyone affected!

mathreader

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216200#Comment_216200

I often think of that. Thanks for your thoughts

SDianeL

I miss traveling in our RV. We traveled 20 years. I miss him. I miss us. Although I live with my daughter I’m lonely.

Jazzma

Long random road trips. We would throw camping and hiking gear in the car and head out in a general direction, finding places to camp at night and wonderful serendipitous sites. He was always up for an adventure, could fix or improve anything (he made us both swing-arm computer tables out of an old nordic trak and turned our non-functional hot tub into a garden space for me), smiled and laughed a lot. Now he is loving and sweet when he sees me, though often he's not sure who I am. His conversations don't make any sense, but I still love hearing his voice and seeing his mannerisms.

Regarding alcohol — I too struggle with drinking in the evenings. It is such a temptation, especially after spending the day with him in memory care and feeling very sad. I know it's unhealthy.

marier

I miss everything about my DH everything! As I write this tears come to my eyes as I reminisce. Taking care of myself is harder each day as his care has become all consuming. I pray each day that I will get through and find some joy in the day.

ghphotog

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216157#Comment_216157

Completly! The only way I could handle this challenge day in and day out was to be half inebriated in the late afternoon and evenings. I was still a good caregiver and tended to her every need but a few beers could take the stress out. I've learned though one too many and the next day's caregiving was twice as hard so I found my limit.

GothicGremlin

For me, it's the sister things we did together, and won't ever do again. There were many.

The big one that popped into my head when I saw this thread was barrel tasting. It happens the first two weekends in March. Peggy would make the hotel reservations, and I'd scan the list and plan which new wineries looked promising. Then off we'd go to wine country.

Peggy was very into barrel tasting (I'd never heard of it until she clued me in), and she learned a lot about wine from that. It's really fun, and quite the big deal if you're a winery. The winemakers put out barrels of whatever they're making, and you get to taste what's in the barrel. Ask as many questions as you like - the winemakers love talking about their wine. The wine still has at least a year and a half of aging to go, but you can get a pretty good idea of what it's going to taste like in its finished form. So you buy wine "futures" - maybe 6 bottles of whatever at a heavily discounted price. Then you wait.

I'm not sure I'll ever be able to do this again, fun as it is. Peggy passed away this last March - right before the second weekend of barrel tasting. Since she was stage 7, I'm sure she had no idea of time and dates.

LindaLouise

So many things to miss! I miss the guy who could repair anything and kept everything running. I miss the grandad who adored his grandkids, and so do they! I miss the dad my adult children have lost, and the partner who was always up for another adventure with me. I found some directions he wrote, along with carefully cut out wooden pieces, for a wooden ferry boat for our kids to make when they were younger. Reading his words, noticing the clarity and specificity of his directions, made me realize how long it has been since that guy was around. My DH and I have been married for 46 years, since we were 22, and I miss being a part of a couple! I see couples walking, talking, holding hands, everywhere I look, and it can bring tears to my eyes. I can't imagine ever finding someone who will be that person for me again - a lifetime of shared memories, raising our 4 kids and being smitten anew every time a new grandbaby appears. Its not that I hate being alone, but I hate being without him. I know every couple will face one person "leaving" first, but this prolonged sadness, the losing while caregiving, and the loss of the person while they go through this final journey - all so heartbreaking. Since I haven't lost a spouse suddenly, I don't know if this is worse, but it seems to be so sad for so long…