Respite care for a vacation

tucson anne

As I waffle about MC placement, I know that what I really want is to take a vacation, by myself, preferably for 2 weeks. I have no family who would be free to care for DH. MC facilities in Tucson advertise respite care but they will say "only if we have a bed available" which makes it hard to plan. Has anyone successfully used a facility for vacation/respite and if so what was your time line (like, could I plan to go on a tour and reserve a space in MC, or do I just have to see what's available? And one facility told me that the reason they don't really do this is because it's as much work as simply placing someone. So any suggestions?

harshedbuzz

We ended up placing dad, but initially we were planning a respite break and attending my mom's sister's funeral (in Maine so we had to wait until the ground thawed which gave time to plan) It can be hard if you're booking a tour of some kind or coordinating with others where there's less flexibility.

We were told the same as well about the process for staff and family being identical to becoming a resident so naturally facilities would prioritize new residents over brief respite stays. I toured about 8 places that offered respite options. All but one had a minimum of a month stay. The outlier would schedule two-week respite stays if they had room, but limited them to 1 or 2 guests at a time because the extra attention a new person needs as they settle in. They also prioritized the SOs of residents in their IL and AL units as a courtesy to their regular community members. FWIW, the 2-week stay wasn't much cheaper than a month stay.

When we were still planning it as a temporary respite, we were planning to have checked out 3 facilities to give us a Plan B and C if needed. Most PWD take 1-2 months to acclimate to their new surroundings and care team, so most respite guests require more attention the entire time they're in the MCF. At the end of the day, I don't know that we would have gotten dad to MCF for placement after a respite stay unless it was a direct hospital transfer so mom and I opted to place him which allowed us to help him settle before our trip.

HB

tucson anne

Thanks harshedbuzz—this is really helpful. It confirms what I thought was the case. And it makes sense.

Beachfan

Anne,

I cared for DH at home for 11 1/2 years, 24/7. As time passed, it became exhausting; 24/7 meant just that- - I never left his side, never. I planned a 30 day respite at a MCF that I had researched extensively and visited several times. (They typically always had a room available). COVID was waning, but the paperwork and medical preparation was extremely thorough; exactly as intensive as if it were for permanent placement. As it turned out, my kids (who had been plotting and planning behind my back), announced that we were not taking DH home after 30 days. He didn’t know me, he didn’t know them, he didn’t know where he was; I was used up and it was time. He resided at the MCF for 17 months until he passed in April, 2023. After 55 married years, I miss him every day, but I am grateful that my kids helped me ease back into some semblance of a normal life. With the time left to me, I am enjoying reconnecting with friends and family, and most of all, enjoying the grandkids as they grow too fast. Best of luck; I hope you can arrange some respite.

FTDCaregiver1

I've done both in-home respite with a private-pay company and respite at a MC facility. Both experiences were great for me. Both required an assessment of course, the MC I worked with had at 20% vacancy rate (rural) so placement was easy-peasy, she was cleared for placement there roughly 1 month before I actually used them, so starting early was a must. The in-home care company was much better though, she stayed home with care around the clock, used them for 1 day to a week so far. My local PACE program pays for these stays as I have 40 hours per week coverage. I bank up hours, not having in-home care, and use them for these respite stays so I don't have to pay for anything over 40 hour a week if I can't help it.

Carmen M

I am in the same situation. I need a vacation to see my elderly father out of town but no one to care for my LO. The respite care is so iffy and yes, if bed available. I thought about at home respite 24/7 when I am gone. However, difficult to find someone to cover all hours and my LO might not adjust to a stranger(s) in the house and me gone for 24/7 for a week.

Not ready for MC because my LO still has ability to dress, eat by self.

Life so difficult

careworncarer

My mom lives with my husband and me and we have not had more than a day away since she moved in with us. She can dress, toilet, and feed herself. Most of the time she is content to watch tv and pet our little dog. She is pleasant and relatively easy to care for. However, she has no memory of who we were are, despite the fact that I am her only child and my husband and I have been married for 42 years. She only eats if we bring her the food. This makes leaving home for more than a few hours impossible.

What happened to the days when people could hire trustworthy college student or retiree to stay with a MC person for a few days or a week? We are willing to pay for the service and want to keep my mom with us as long as we can, but we need a break from time to time.

Does anyone out there know about any services out there that have such people? I live in Grand Ledge, MI near Lansing

Thanks for listening

SDianeL

welcome. So sorry about your Mom. The post you replied to is an old post from 2024. You will get more replies if you create a new post with a title. (Use the plus sign) Regarding your Mom. I would no longer leave her alone for any length of time. She can no longer reason and wouldn’t know what to do in an emergency or she could leave and wander off. There are agencies where you can hire caregivers like care.com or visiting angels. You can call the Alzheimer’s toll free number at the top of the main page and they might have resources in your area. Also look up your county Agency on Aging. Many of those have senior day care. Some memory care facilities have respite care although they usually have a minimum stay of 2 weeks or one month and are expensive. Are there any family members who could help? Read the book “The 36 Hour Day” if you haven’t already. It helped me a lot after my husband’s diagnosis. Come back often for info and support. We understand how you feel. 💜

Cate2024

I'm in Canada and through a Provincial Government plan, if you qualify, you can access Respite care at a limited number of Long Term Care facilities. There is a six month waiting list but they also have a cancellation list if a space becomes available. I currently have respite care for my DH two days per week in our home. Because he still enjoys our two dogs, I'm concerned what an extended stay (1-2 weeks) would do to him away from what is comfortable. But I need a longer break and my health is suffering. I'm battling with myself as to what to do. I don't want to have him return home in a deteriorated state.

Marla13

Call Ageways in Michigan. 800-852-7795.

careworncarer

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/252158#Comment_252158

Thank you for the response. I tried to find the plus sign that you spoke of but have yet to find it. If you can point me in the right direction, please do. I will continue to look for the plus sign in the interim.

Iris L.

Are you on a smartphone? The plus sign is at the bottom within a circle.

Iris

l7pla1w2

Look for the + in a circle at the bottom right of the page. It floats over the rest of the page and stays put when you scroll the page.