Mom is free of the monster which is dementia!

drsd112

On the morning of July 3rd Mom passed peacefully in her sleep.

She was in late stage 5 but was still able to dress herself, feed herself and toilet herself, so she was able to stay in her ALF.

She had also developed a lower intestinal bleed which could have only been treated by major surgery which we declined. She lost a bit of weight over the last couple of months but other than that seemed to be doing okay, all things considered. The ALF called me on 6/30 to let me know she was running a fever and had been wheezing. We took her to the ER and discovered her hemoglobin had crashed. Unfortunately, there were no Hospice rooms available in town at the time, so the hospital kept her on comfort care. They did an amazing job of keeping her comfortable and pain free to the end.

The last three months or so were pretty hard for me as I had become a trigger for her anxiety. So I had to cut back on visits and when I did go, I had to have someone with me and keep it short so I wouldn't trigger her anxiety. She was on Seroquel the last three or four weeks and it made a big change in the anxiety, the last couple of visits were very pleasant.

But now she is free of the dementia monster and at peace once again. While I'm sad I'm also quite relieved….for us both.

Yesterday was the first morning since she passed that I woke up and realized it was a day just for me and what I might want/need. Even when your LO is in ALF or MC they are still in the front of your mind every day. Wondering if they have everything they need, are they acting out, will the money last, how long is this going to go on? And of course there's that big boulder of needless guilt which is constantly hanging on your shoulder.

And now I figure out what's next for me.

I haven't posted here much but I have read so, so many posts and discussions. This place has been a gigantic lifeline for me. I learned so much from everyone who has ever shared their story or advice here. I thank you all.

fmb

@drsd112

I am so sorry for your loss. Now that she is at peace, may you also find peace and strength to continue to rebuild your life.

Even when your LO is in ALF or MC they are still in the front of your mind every day. Wondering if they have everything they need, are they acting out, will the money last, how long is this going to go on? And of course there's that big boulder of needless guilt which is constantly hanging on your shoulder.

While I could never have sustained 24/7 caregiving myself, I greatly admire those who can and do so with love and compassion under the most difficult circumstances. However, as you stated above, having your LO in a facility comes with its own heavy burden, a burden I know all too well. May we all find the strength and support to carry our burdens.

SusanB-dil

So sorry for the loss of your mom. Please give yourself time to readjust, and knowing you did everything you could for her.

psg712

My condolences on the loss of your mom. I totally relate to fmb's post about your comments on having a LO in a facility. You described it so well. Peace to you as you grieve and heal.

​fesk

I'm very sorry for your loss.

JeriLynn66

Peace be with you.

Bebobra

♥️♥️♥️♥️

Sheilab01

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69916/mom-is-free-of-the-monster-which-is-dementia

I’m sorry for your loss😢🙏🏻💖 I pray for peace in your heart and I’m sending so much love💖💖💖

Anonymousjpl123

I am so sorry for your loss. I’m glad you were able to be with her right until the end. I know how hard it must be. I’m also glad you are thinking about what will be next. It’s a very very hard chapter and will likely take you a minute to feel normal again.

jen ht

@drsd112

I am sending you lots of love. I am thankful for her freedom from the monster as you so aptly put it. You being "here" in this group means that you have many accompanying you in your grief. I'm thinking of you and wishing you well. Take care

Mama’sGirl

My condolences to you, praying for you.

Lport

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69916/mom-is-free-of-the-monster-which-is-dementia

I’m so sorry for your loss . May she rest in peace 🙏

JM27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69916/mom-is-free-of-the-monster-which-is-dementia

So sorry for your loss! Happy you and your mom are free of the dementia monster. Give yourself time to grieve and be gentle with yourself. ❤️