"Why did we come in here?"

tigersmom

Today we went for a walk in the morning, as we usually do. When we returned home, the title of this post is what DH said to me. "Because it's our home," I said. "We live here. See, here are our two cats. They live here, too." I get asked a lot of questions, but this one kind of gobsmacked me. DH has been lost in time for quite a while now. He doesn't recognize our street when we are walking, or the exterior entrance to our house. But not recognizing our home once he was inside was a new one. Anybody else deal with this?

ButterflyWings

Yep. You have lots of company here. My most vivid recollection was Christmas Eve almost 3 years ago now… DH had been in a wacky delusional state for days with an emerging UTI I think. He was in rare form with the wildest behavior and nonsensical conversations. But he actually scared me with a suddenly serious-sounding question, and I thought we were about to have a dreaded "heart-to-heart" about his diagnosis and terminal status, etc.

What came out of his mouth stunned me in a different way though, just as you experienced. DH looked at me very soberly, looking and sounding exactly like his pre-AD self,  and said “so tell me truthfully… (I think I froze)

Then he says this: "…what are you thinking about the best way for us to get home from this place?"

It was a whiplash few minutes for me. I had just literally exhaled, so relieved that he wasn't having a sudden clear view of his dismal future — and then shock took over as I realized that in the blink of an eye he now didn't recognize our home at all.

Hang in there.

Joe C.

DW stopped recognizing our home about stage 5, she would ask me why we were in someone else house. For a while I would try to convince her that it was our house by showing her the pictures on the walls, her clothes in the closet or anything that I thought she might recognize. After a while I realized this was not working so I started telling her we were just staying here for a few days while some work was being done at our home, that approach worked much better. Good luck.

zilco58

Vitruvius

We would walk daily. Occasionally when we returned to our home my DW would refuse to even step on the property. She would stand in the street in confusion and agitation saying some variation of "what are you doing, we can't go in there, that's somebody else's house". Sometimes I would just walk on farther turn around and go back and she would go in. Other times she would sternly refuse and I would call our daughter who would come and help me distract her and coax her into the house. Conventional wisdom says walks and exercise are good for dementia patients, but the consequences were unpredictable. Yet another quandary in caregiving. Unfortunately as my DW became a significant fall risk, walks ended. Now in Stage 7e, she hasn't so much as stood up in a while.

KathyBol

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/69925/why-did-we-come-in-here

Yes, just a few minutes ago! I was reading email, DH was watching TV. He came to me and said I am going to mow the lawn, I have to do something. Why are we here? The Post Office is paying us to stay here(we both retired from the Postal Service), but there is nothing to do! This is a common theme lately. The first time he asked who owned this house. I showed him the deed, tax bills, etc. He seemed satisfied at the time, but, doesn't remember. Sometimes, he will look out the window, and say yes, this is our street, I recognize that neighbor's house. I read that it is common for a person with dementia to associate home with feeling safe, confident, etc. So when they are feeling anxious, they don' t think they are home.

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AnderK

I too have gotten the "gotta pack up and go home" routine. So far telling him that we are home has worked. Sometimes for 20 minutes. Sometimes for days. No answer, just that you are not alone. Kathy

easy23

My DH just woke up and said he has to go home NOW. We got in the car and drove around the block. Now we are in his "parents' house" and he felt comfortable enough to go back to bed. The upside is that there is a beautiful full moon this morning!

clarinetist

Almost every night, my DH asked when we were headed back to our home. Rather than argue or try to convince him, I just said, “It’s too late now. We’ll go home in the morning.” By morning he knew where he was again. Rinse and repeat!

howhale

So many seem to experience similar behavior and yet I thought I was unique in this. Been dealing with "the other home", "my home versus your home", "my mother's home", etc. for a while now. Using all the techniques noted by others and have to use them at different times. Never know which one will work and pray that one will. Never know when this will occur either. Cannot see any specific trigger so far.

ClarkEb

constant, even if family present i the house. I think our record for rejections is about 6. There ae only so many places you can drive around here. If I’m luck fatigue takes over,,,,,except for last night from 12 to 4 like clock work on the hour LO would come out of the bedroom ‘how do i get out of here’. Tried stalling, things escalated, tried the stuck door, same thing. Usually she will go outside and fumble with the door and get in the car….last night she walked past the car and out in the yard/street, even in the rain and thunder storm. I was with her and eventually got her back to the house or car for a short ride. Not sure what is going on…gone are the random naps sleeping in the recliner and helped off to bed for the night. It is like a switch was tripped….

And as someone said….the other night there was an amazing moon and cloud scape at 330 in the morning.

jsps139_

My husband says the same thing every evening for months now … isn’t it nice that they kept all our furniture here while we were gone? He thinks we have been here for two nights instead of 4 years. I’m not sure where we were????? But, I just go with the flow because there’s nowhere else to go.