Decisions

Sheilab01

so my dad has a general diagnosis of dementia. Friends are telling me I should bring him to a neurologist. I believe he’s in a moderate stage. I don’t see the purpose of discovering what kind of dementia? It’s so disruptive to take him out of his home in memory care and to appointments. Weighing the pros and cons. Thoughts? Also I’m seeing increased anxiety and seeing things that aren’t there. His GP sees him at his home and I’ve made her aware for his next visit. I’m an only child of an only child trying to navigate this by myself. I also feel guilty that I haven’t taken him into my home but I’m not equipped for that🙁

Thank you

M1

Sheila you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. Good that he's in a stable and safe environment. I agree if he's already in memory care there is no point in taking him to a neurologist, it won't change anything.

He may be a good candidate for an atypical antipsychotic to help with the anxiety and hallucinations or delusions. Seroquel and Risperdal are the two that are commonly used and effective in these situations.

Sheilab01

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216314#Comment_216314

thank you yes he’s on seroquel and maybe just needs the dosage adjusted slightly

SusanB-dil

I totally agree - he is being taken care of. Please don't ever feel guilty about that.

although I am not an only child, neither my brother nor myself would be able to take care of our mom in such full-time capacity. She is in memory care, and safe, and brother visits often.

Quilting brings calm

He’s in a safe place. If his PCP feels comfortable prescribing the needed medications, then I wouldn’t add a neurologist at this point. My mom saw one for a few years, and I’ve asked the PCP to take over prescribing that donepizel medication. Same with mom’s anxiety and depression medications ( formerly prescribed at a resident clinic at the local teaching hospital). I felt the need to consolidate things and reduce the number of appointments I was transporting mom to.

It’s not as if the neurologist is going to do anything that will cure him. There is no cure.

Sheilab01

exactly my thoughts! It’s not going to change the outcome and his PCP believes in less is more, she has taken him off many meds! Because… of the interactions and he was getting dizzy and falling! Hyperstatic something… when he stands his blood pressure drops. At this point I’m all about keeping him safe, having PT and OT work with him and letting him feel safe and secure in his home.

Jeanne C.

Wait - does he live alone at home or is he in a memory care facility.?

mabelgirl

I believe we all must do best for the family as a whole and that includes the caregivers. Care giving can be done physically hands on or hands off. Placing our LO in a safe and caring environment is caring for your dad. I have had my mom with me for a year now but realize it’s best for us both if she was in an ALF as her behavior can be very ugly not only towards me but to my great granddaughter who visits often. I have 6 other siblings as well and none of them feel equipped to deal with her either! Know that you are doing an awesome job caring for your dad.
Prayers for peace .

Sheilab01

thank you💖 best of luck to you and your mom and family

Sheilab01

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216330#Comment_216330

memory care

psg712

Sheila, it's great to have a medical provider who gets it. My mom also has a provider who believes "less is more" and that has been so helpful as she has a history of much sensitivity to medications with some paradoxical reactions.

I agree that a neurologist probably would not add much in your dad's situation. Those who are suggesting it just want to be helpful. I've found though that such suggestions often come from a need to fix the problem... a brain that just can't be repaired. It's hard for anyone who cares about you and your dad to accept. You are doing all that you can to keep him in a safe and stable environment.

Sheilab01

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216426#Comment_216426

it’s hard for me

To accept, so I understand that friends just don’t want either of us to suffer. But this is real life. Without suffering how can we truly appreciate all the beautiful and positive things life offers us? Thank you for sharing. Blessings to you and your mom💖🙏🏻

eaglemom

I'm an only, so I totally understand what your feeling. Let me start with saying I think your doing a fantastic job being a caregiver and a better job being a loving daughter. You have lovingly placed him in memory care to keep him as safe as possible. That's a tough call, but you did it.

These "friends" that are telling you to take your father to a neurologist have no clue. They are speaking about something that they know nothing. Don't listen to them. Are they visiting your dad?

If the PCP that comes to the facility feels he can handle the diagnosis, that is the answer. Taking him away for the environment in which he is comfortable is very difficult for him. Your keeping him there to protect him, period. As for his increased anxiety, since you've made the PCP aware of it that is good. Does your dad take anything for depression? I wonder if that might need to be addresses - sometimes depression exhibits like anxiety. Just a thought for you, and the PCP to discuss.

Your friends mean well, but your doing best by keeping him exactly where he is. Outings sound fun. A trip to a different doctor, whom more than likely will order multiple tests, which means more outings, isn't in his best interest at this time, IMO.

eagle

harshedbuzz

@Sheilab01

If he's has had the standard bloodwork to rule out treatable issues that mimic dementia and imaging to rule out something like a brain tumor, it's fine. Sometimes friends catch a snippet on the news or elsewhere about some treatment that isn't applicable to your situation and mistaken believe improvement is possible. Sometimes people, who aren't really aware of his condition and/or aren't part of the care team armchair quarterback. This brings nothing to the party and can be counterproductive to your well-being as well as his if they're sharing their opinions with dad.

As an only-of-an-only, you have the option to ignore or even disconnect from these people. I'm an only, too, and that's fine by me. There are more folks here dealing with MIA siblings or those who have different self-serving agendas than those who have functional and collaborative ones. Just saying.

My dad had a comprehensive evaluation at a top-notch university memory center and also needed a geriatric psychiatrist. My friend's mom was cared for by her PCP throughout the progression of the disease. Both got great care, and both came to the same sad end. Safe and comfortable is the goal here and it sounds as though you have achieved that. Well done you.

HB

H1235

If you felt a strong need for a specific dementia diagnosis(Alzheimer’s vs vascular dementia…) or if his PCP was not comfortable prescribing medication for dementia related symptoms then I would take him to a neurologist. If not I don’t see the point.