Caregiver support

egaogao71

Hi. I’m new to the forum. It’s been 4 months since my 90 yo mom moved in with me and my family. She has not been officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or dementia but she has the symptoms. I am in the process of having her see a neurologist next month. I am her full time care giver. All my siblings are scattered around different states. She uses a walker, has had knee replacement on both knees a while back. She was pretty independent at first, able to undress, shower, use toilet, dress, fix her hair, brush her teeth, eat. However recently she started getting confused, just sit in a daze, not knowing why she went in the bathroom, forget to take off pants and diaper to use bathroom, plays with her food, try to organize it, separate them and put it together like trying to fit the pieces together. And when I tell her to try put it in her mouth, she always says it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t match. She forgets to go to the bathroom now. Her hands never rest, fidgeting here and there, touching this or that. Now I’m finding myself having to be more attentive, be with her in the bathroom while she brush her teeth, use the bathroom, and shower. I have to help her dress and fix her hair. But then on good days, she will be totally fine again. But it can switch back and forth like night and day. She’s very bad with drinking fluid, so always prone to infection, dehydration which doctors say can cause the confusion, disorientation and become delusional. I’m afraid I might be wearing myself thin and becoming overwhelmed, so trying to find ways for support to help myself before it gets to that stage. I really have no family here to rely on. I have a 17 yo who’s still in high school, another older dtr but she has 3 young kids of her own and one more on the way, I’m also a caregiver for my husband who has cardiac heart failure, living on medical devices and awaiting a heart transplant. Currently in the process of looking for care homes or something to help me out so I don’t burn myself out.

M1

Welcome to the forum. A care home or other help sounds like a very good idea. But honestly at 90 i wouldn't bother with a neurologist. There's virtually nothing they can offer. Sorry if that sounds blunt but i think they're going to wonder why you brought her.

fmb

Assuming that other medical causes of dementia-like symptoms have been ruled out, I would not take her to a neurologist, either. You would need a diagnosis to activate a springing POA, but I can't think of any other reason at this point. My DH saw a neurologist only because he had suffered a minor stroke, and there he also received a "Dementia - ALZ type" diagnosis . Other doctors had dismissed his memory and walking problems as simply aging (He was 91 then.) I had been providing so much scaffolding that the ALZ diagnosis was a total shock to me. He was then in Stage 6. We have not been back to the neurologist.

It is very good that you are taking your own needs and the needs of your family into account and looking at care home placement to avoid burning out. You already have so much on your plate, you have to take care of yourself first.

egaogao71

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/216959#Comment_216959

thank you for your feedback. Still new at this caregiving thing, and want to get all my bases covered. Her PCP recommends it, hopefully to also check on her brain if she’s had any stroke (mini or mild). It doesn’t hurt to check right?

egaogao71

Thank you for your feedback and advice. I just want to be able to know for sure and what stage she’s at. If she has just dementia or Alzheimer’s or both.

fmb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217167#Comment_217167

Just to clarify, Alzheimer's is a form of dementia. Dementia is an umbrella term that covers a number of specific diagnoses. Alzheimer's, Vascular, Fronto-Temporal, and Lewy Body are the more common ones.

H1235

This is a common staging tool that is very helpful. It will not only give you an idea of where she is at, but what is to come. Do you have a DPOA and other legal matters addressed? I find comfort in learning more about dementia, what to expect and the best approach to take with common problems helps me feel less stressed (former teacher, I like th learn). This site is a great resource.
You said it doesn’t hurt to go to neurologist. That’s probably true as long as it’s not causing her a lot of stress and anxiety. If it is I would have a conversation with her PCP about the how important this appointment really is.
I hope something here helps.
https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/63f7b80d80d8aa3e3aa4a47d/1677178894184/DBAT.pdf