Overwhelming, gripping fear

Daisie

I don't understand why I always feel in the grip of overwhelming, tenacious fear whenever my mom is delusional. I hate it. I wish I could just accept it and not be so triggered, but instead, I feel my heart drop into my stomach when she thinks my dad is on my way home (he died 17 years ago) and tries to get me to leave or asks me if I want the guest room for the night (it's my apartment!). I just freeze with fear when it starts, and I have the worst time calming myself down. I keep wondering if I will always feel like that or if it will get better once she's out of the house and living in MC. I guess that's kind of a dumb question, but you know what I mean.

I guess maybe it's a control thing. Like I can't control the situation when she's delusional, but I want to. I don't know. I'm just wondering if anyone else experiences fear like this and what you do to bring yourself down from it (if you can).

Anonymousjpl123

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I can honestly say the terror and shock faded for me, and seems to for many people. It doesn’t get easier, per se, but you will realize it is part of the disease, sadly there is nothing you can do to control it, and the very best thing to focus on is how she feels.

this means a lot of soothing and redirecting and fiblets. But the initial shock takes a while to wear off. I am still sometimes shake by my mom’s disorientation. But the gripped with fear feeling will subside. I find it helps to take a shower or bath, and walk away for a minute. Just to get my bearings

Quilting brings calm

it will be easier once she is in MC because a) there will be staff to redirect her and b) you can leave and go cry in the car and c) MC may help her feel safer due to the structure.

M1

Daisie i think you get used to it over time. My partner never makes much sense any more, yesterday she was asking all day if "they" had children-no idea what she was talking about- and today it was that she had to go take care of her dad (he died in 1992). I just make noncommittal comments : "I'm not sure, I don't know, is that right?" etc. I do think MC is the right answer for you and i hope it happens soon, for your sake.

lanie68ny

Mom dosent yet have delusions. But when she's sick and her personality changes and she starts to blame me again for just about everything, I too get that Pitt in my stomach. Mom is in ALF so I know she's safe, but it's hurtful and I get anxiety over it as well. I know it's temporary but it doesn't help until she's happy again

Wishing you luck.

Daisie

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217132#Comment_217132

If I had a magic wand, I'd "poof" my mom into MC right now! I just want her to be safe and cared for and maybe have more social interactions. She has none now and I can't even have much because I need to be here.

scoutmom405

It started for my FIL last Nov. It came on strong for weeks. He started telling me his deceased brother spent the night under his bed. Then he got into a delusional "loop" where every day he hunted his school "lessons." Thankfully we had a neurology appt during that time & she increased his seroquel. Shortly after the delusions decreased.

It was hard for me to see him like that. It did get easier. Last week he packed his bags & told me he was going on a 30 day vacation. His bags are still packed & he's said nothing else about it.