Too good to be true

lanie68ny

So finally got mom moved into ALF. The move day was brutal, very emotional. But she adapted so easily. Made friends, was never in her Apt. Out at dominos, bingo, happy hour the movies... talked to anyone who would listen how she loves it. Too busy to call me ( thank you) she is thriving. She got sick (bad cold) a few days ago. Now she back to being miserable. The phone calls are I want to go home. When I tell her we sold everything and the house is listed, she says I have some nerve. Of course she knew. Anyway back to misery days. Ughhh I really hope this is short lived because she's not feeling well. This ALF has been an absolute blessing .

mabelgirl

We will be moving my mom into an ALF in a couple weeks and your post was perfect timing. Your mom sounds a lot like mine and I’m dreading the aftermath. I’ve tried to remind myself there is likely no chance I will see my mom content for any long duration. I believe the state of her brain will keep her frustrated with the world around her no matter where she lives.
Since you’ve got your mom moved into a safe environment perhaps you shouldn’t feel the need to answer her calls all the time. I think you may (I plan to) focus on your well being for a while with a peace of mind your mom is safe.

Prayers for some self care, you deserve it.

M1

Have you tested her for covid? there's a summer spike right now….

Anonymousjpl123

@lanie68ny definitely a good idea to test for Covid, just to rule it out. My mom got it and it completely wreaked havoc on her mood and behavior. I was so worried, and learned Covid affects people with dementia differently.

Also, I would say that there are a few things to be aware of with the move. One is that she may have a lot of ups and downs. I was so relieved like you after my mom’s first few days, then things got harder. The truth is we got through all of it, but unfortunately it's been a lot of ups and downs.

Remember that she is safe, and this is a huge adjustment. I would definitely block the phone calls for periods during the day, and give yourself some space. You are doing this FOR her, not TO her, but sadly she will likely not see it that way. Brace yourself for some rough weeks (fingers crossed she settles in), but know you have done the right thing in keeping her safe and comfortable .

Emily 123

Hi,

An acute illness will cause fogginess and new behaviors to pop up. My Mom's had covid twice that we know of—physically she sailed through it, but was more confused and resistant to help for about a month or so afterwards.

If you think the truth will upset your mother it may be better to divert her attention or tell a white lie. Since she's got a disease that makes it hard for her to process information and emotions, it might be easier on everyone to tell her what she might accept, rather than be truthful with what might upset her.

lanie68ny

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/217130#Comment_217130

FFunny You should mention this. Tested positive yesterday!

M1

Not surprised.....but I'm sorry. It's definitely not gone.

psg712

Covid made a huge difference in my mom's thinking and behaviors. Her mental state stabilized after recovery from the virus, but she has not regained all that she lost. I guess it's not surprising - I have young, healthy coworkers who had extended "brain fog" after covid. Dementia is a downward slide anyway so covid just gave her another push down the slope:(