Rough Night

White Crane

Thursday night turned from a peaceful evening into a crisis when the MC called and said DH was banging on the doors with his fists, yelling, and hitting the doors with his walker trying to exit the unit. They said he was going to hurt someone so they were sending him to the ER. That was a little after 6:00 PM. I had just finished a leisurely supper and was getting ready to wash the dishes and then watch a movie. Instead, I hurried to the hospital and arrived before the ambulance. A good friend also came to the ER to offer support. By the time DH arrived, he was calm and even cheerful and had no recollection of having done anything out of line. After sitting in the treatment room for about three hours, a mental health nurse came in to interview DH. DH couldn't answer any of his questions. When I stepped into the hallway to talk to the nurse privately and answer more questions, DH became agitated and was getting out of bed with an angry look on his face! I told the nurse I thought DH needed to be seen by a geripsych and he agreed with me. Unfortunately, there are none of those here. He said he would make some calls and get back to me. Around midnight, a nurse finally came in and said arrangements were being made and suggested I go home. She promised they would take good care of DH. I left around 12:30. He got upset when I left but I thought he would be okay. Wrong! From the report I read yesterday on his patient portal, he had threatened the nurse and would not stay in bed. They had to call security more than once. He also grabbed one of the nurses and was threatening her! They finally had to sedate him.

After two or three calls in the middle of the night asking my permission to treat him and to transfer him, DH was finally transferred to a facility about thirty miles away. They have called me a couple of times for information and to reassure me they are going to evaluate him and try to get him on a medication regimen that will allow him to be more at peace and less agitated. I certainly hope so! This was the second time in a month that he has ended up in the ER due to aggressive behavior.

When I read the full report later of what occurred at the MC, I nearly cried. It said he had not only hit the doors with his fists and walker, he had picked up a computer and threatened to hit the nurse with it. He had also trapped one of the nurses in his room by blocking the door with chairs and had doubled up his fist as if to hit her. It broke my heart to think of him acting that way. This is not the man I married. I am praying that the doctor at the geripsych unit can get him on a good regimen so he can have some peace.

This disease robs our loved ones of there faculties and turns them into strangers.

Brenda

mrahope

Just feeling so sorry you've had this on your plate as well. Proof positive that this disease robs people of their loved ones long before they take their last breath.

Beachfan

I’m sorry. Two thoughts came immediately to mind- - 1- - this is not the man you married; the disease has caused this heartbreak and no one is to blame. 2- - He is where he needs to be, being cared for by professionals, both of you are safe (I remember how you agonized over a placement decision; thankfully, this episode didn’t happen at home with you alone as caregiver.)

I think about you often and hope he is able to be stabilized sooner rather than later. You, meanwhile, need to rest and plan for better days ahead. Best wishes!💕

White Crane

Thank you, Beachfan. And yes, I am grateful this didn't happen when he was still at home. Thank you, mrahope.

clarinetist

Hi Brenda,

I’m so sorry you and your husband are going through this. I’m in the same situation; my DH is currently on his third hospitalization in the last two months for aggressive behavior at his memory care. His incidents sound very similar to your husband’s, and like him, my husband has no memory of the incidents.

You’ll need to be a strong advocate for your husband. Keep track of what medications and dosages they try on your husband and how well those medications work. You may have to speak up if they try to release your husband back to the memory care too soon. In our situation they tried to get my DH stabilized and sent back in a week or two. Then the problem at the memory care would recur, and back to the ER we’d go.

I’m still in the middle of my husband’s current hospitalization and haven’t figured out the magic bullet yet. But I’m trying to be strong for my husband and I know you can do the same for yours. Best of luck to you.

M1

Been there too Brenda and I am so sorry. It may take two or three weeks to be sure the regimen is stable. I hope they will let you visit at some point later next week? Please do keep us posted.

As much as I am sad watching my partner drift away, I am glad those days are behind us. I am sitting beside her now as she sleeps, with music playing. She needs a bath and a haircut, but neither are going to happen today, I’m sure.

ThisLife

Sending a hug. I know the sense of being prepared for a relaxing evening and the phone rings. Your description is very familiar to me. I hope the doctors are able to find something that works. I didn't find MC to be the answer I had hoped for but was glad those things didn't happen at home. It did confirm for me that there was a reason that I placed him. Wishing you the best.

SDianeL

So sorry you are going through this. My husband was in a MC Facility for 2 months. Thankfully he is a veteran and qualified for transfer to a VA State Nursing Home. He's been there 4 months. He also became agitated & aggressive when he became incontinent when the staff had to change his clothes. Thank goodness, the VA facility has a doctor on staff and pharmacy on site and they manage the medications without having to transport him to the ER. He was on Risperidone & they had to add Depakote. It caused him to sleep 24/7 and only wake up to eat. They tried to reduce his meds & after a few weeks got him up in a wheelchair & he tried to pick something up off the floor and fell forward out of the wheelchair. The nurse was watching him but couldn't get to him in time. He had to go to the ER for scans & 8 stitches in his head. Now he's more medicated again and sleeping all the time. They can't seem to find a happy medium where he's calm but awake & aware. I'm sharing this so you can let them know if you think he's over medicated. Due to my husband's medication & his progression, I haven't been able to have a conversation with him in about 6 weeks. It breaks my heart.

Joe C.

Brenda, Sorry that you are dealing with this heartbreaking situation. I have no words of wisdom but will keep both of you in my thoughts & prayers.

AnderK

I am sorry fir your pain. I will keep you in my thoughts.

RetiredTeacher

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70039/rough-night

My heart hurt reading your post. I am sorry you are having to deal with all of this and sorry this horrible disease robs us of our loved ones. It sounds like the new facility is trying to help him. My prayers go put to you and all of you who are having to deal with the ravages of this disease.

White Crane

Thank you all for your support and prayers. Clarinetist, I'm so sorry your DH is in the hospital again.

M1, they said I could visit after a few days. I think I will wait until they have him stabilized since I am a trigger for him.

SDianeL, thank you for the advice to watch for over-medication. This is our fist experience with a geri psych unit.

ThisLife

I too was a trigger for my husband. When I was allowed to visit, I shared my concern about visiting because of being a trigger. The Geri psych told me my visits would be one of the things to help them gage how the changes in medication were working. A tech observed us while we were in the common room, and the Geri psych met with me a few times after a visit to discuss the medications and next steps. Unfortunately, I remained a trigger until he passed.