Cat Naps

MarDel0917

My BF (EOA 45YO) has been taking small naps during the day. When we r watching tv. If he watches it. He will stare out the back window looking at the birds and squirrels. I guess you can say I'm in denial. I don't wanna loose him. I want him to stick with me till we are old and gray. I want plus to have at least one child together and raise that kid together. I have this soooo much!!!

We are all in this together 💜

M1

His ability to be a parent is nil, i hope you realize that. I'm sorry that it's something you won't be able to share. A lost dream, among many others?

SDianeL

so sorry. This disease is heartbreaking in more ways than one. Cherish the moments.

MarDel0917

We will share being parents. I have high hopes. He is great with his neice and nephews. And yes I cherish all of my moments with him.

M1

MarDel, do you have powers of attorney? Not to be Debbie Downer, but i would get legal advice before you pursue a child. If he's not competent to consent there might be tons of issues you haven't thought about. Maybe some of the legal folks on here can comment.

Iris L.

He cannot raise a child. He should not have supervision of a child. Soon, he will need close supervision himself. Are you reading the other threads, just on this page? Members are posting about being overwhelmed, even in earlier stages.

Your local Alzheimer's Association chapter offers free consultations with a Care Consultant. You are in a grieving process, this is called anticipatory grieving. Keep reading and keep posting, the members will help you get through this. Also call the Helpline at 1-800-272-3900 and ask to speak with a Care Consultant.

Iris

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70067/cat-naps

I am so sorry for you and your BF. This is a terrible disease that robs a person of their abilities to care for themselves let alone anyone else. I hate to say this but we are here to help - what we know about Alzheimer's in that one's risk for it increases dramatically when a parent(s) have it. Translating to having a child with your BF could result to passing the disease to your future child. Also, once this disease progresses (and it will and sometimes quickly), you will become a full-time caregiver for your BF and that is overwhelming in and of itself. Please get some counseling and research risks associated with this disease.

harshedbuzz

@MarDel0917

In the unlikely chance that you aren't trolling us and truly wish to have "two in diapers", I would have genetic testing done to determine if he has a form of heritable dementia.

HB

M1

MarDel i have been thinking about you a lot overnight and i agree that some intensive counseling as well as legal advice would be advisable. I was 38 when my partner and I fell in love, and I can't imagine how difficult it would have been to be dealing with dementia at that age. You are only a few years older than my daughter, who is struggling with having had a late miscarriage in May. It sounds to me like your biological clock must be ticking loudly, and you certainly have a right to your own hopes and dreams. But honestly, it sounds like you may be facing your own version of a Sophie's choice here: it is obvious you are committed to your partner, but if you really want a child, it shouldn't be with him. He can't even truly be a reciprocal partner to you any more; you are his caretaker at this point. And Denise is exactly right about the genetic risk to any biological child fathered by him. But do you leave him in order to pursue motherhood for yourself? I would really, really want to talk this through with some wise folks before making such life changing decisions, and to process the pain and grief inherent in your dilemma. My heart breaks for you. I know everyone here wishes you well.

Quilting brings calm

What no one here has said yet is that early onset at your BF’s age means that he will only be on this earth a few more years. And he will regress rapidly into a 46/47 year old tween, child, toddler, bday. As if he is Benjamin Button / only the size of an adult.

Any child that you have will be raised by you as a single parent.

You’ve posted several other discussions. Given everything you’ve told us… is he still capable of performing the sexual act to get you pregnant? Does he understand what it means to have sex? Is he cognitively capable of agreeing that you should get pregnant?

northernlady

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70067/cat-naps

Maybe I'm naive, but I read your post as writing out your dreams, rather than a plan.

You dream of having a child with the man you fell in love with.

You dream of his caring nature with his nieces and his nephews to extend to the dream child You want to have.

You dream of being there for each other for many many years to come, when you have 'a little dust on the bottle' and he still wants and desires to be with you.

You dream and want these things despite the ever growing realization that it is just a dream.

That's how I read your post.

I too have dreams. I still wake up in the middle of the night thinking I have just been intimate with my husband…and realize it was just a dream. My reality is he sleeps in another room, wearing adult diapers, and even if I'm stark naked in front of him he just wants me to change the channel on his TV since he can't do that anymore.

I too hate this disease.