Things for mom to do

Woolnerd

My mom lives 5 hours away. She refuses to take part in any of the “activities” that are available at her ALF. She does not like games of any kind, puzzles, etc. She has a piano in her room which she plays periodically but otherwise she just sits there and watches TV.
She has asked me “what am I supposed to do here?” And “did you just put me on a shelf here to sit until I die?”

She has some coloring books which I pulled out of her closet last week when I was there, doubtful she will use them but it’s worth a try. Just looking for ideas of ways she can be busy. She used to love to cook, bake and sew, but not able to do these now, just a microwave and fridge and no sewing machine. All ideas welcome. I’m sending her some magazines to look at, she really does not have the cognition to read a book.

towhee

Persons in the mid stages of Alzheimer's really cannot initiate activities. If something is sitting right in front of them they may pick it up, my LO would do a puzzle if it was in front of her. I think the magazines or picture books (not too heavy) may be good, but they need a lot of pictures and very little text. Sometimes if the staff changes the way they invite her for activities they will have more success getting her to go.

harshedbuzz

If this is a hospitality-model AL, the activities may be beyond her cognition at this point. It's also possible she can't keep up with the social banter of the other residents and is not well included by them, so the experience isn't a positive one for her.

A MCF with failure-free activities might be better at this point. It's also possible that the apathy that is typical with dementia won't be overcome even with support.


Hb

AndreaEllen

I don't have any suggestions but I just want to offer sympathy and solidarity. My mother is in mid-stage dementia and has basically lost the ability to do everything that ever gave her pleasure and/or made her who she is - cook, read, talk to friends, correspond with people, get engaged politically. It really makes you contemplate the purpose of existence, and it's so hard to watch someone you love suffer that way. I have hope that in a later stage both of our mothers will get some relief, but in the meantime, just know there's another child who lives six hours away from her mom and who is holding the same pain that you are.

M1

welcome to the forum woolens. I agree with harshedbuzz that she would probably be better off in memory care. The staff there will likely be much more proactive at keeping her engaged, she obviously can’t do it herself any more, and most assisted living assumes a high degree of autonomy that she no longer has. She’ll probably do a lot better with the right level of support.