Two parents with dementia

jennyp

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Hi All -
I am new to this group and am reaching out for advice.
I have two parents with dementia. My father has Parkinson's related dementia. I recently moved him to a skilled nursing facility and is doing fairly well. My mother is still in the same AL community she shared with my dad for the past 4 years. She has a caregiver/companion who visits daily for 3 hours. My mom is really struggling. She is profoundly depressed and lonely. She has her days/nights mixed up. She often sleeps all day and then wanders the halls of the community in the middle of the night. She is angry, frustrated, and cries all the time. Someone made a comment in a discussion group on this site that spoke volumes to me: my mom is unhappy with where she is in her own mind/life. She can't remember things, barely engages in self-care rituals like brushing her teeth, and does not engage in the many activities her community offers. Some of her issues are self-imposed - she is very willful and if given the chance, will not eat in the dining room, go to events, etc that put her in contact with other residents. I assume that socialization might ease her loneliness a bit but to be honest, I am not sure. She is so lost without my dad.

She also struggles to participate in her community bc she sleeps all day/is awake all night. She also often refuses to eat anything except peanut butter crackers and Pepsi which eventually leads to a major emotional meltdown that usually involves calling me to tell me how unhappy she is and what a terrible daughter I am.

I know that she will never really be happy again but I feel like there has to be more that can be done to give this woman some relief. Please let me know your thoughts. Below is a list of things I am currently working on. I am open to any and all ideas.

- possibly moving her into skilled nursing or MC in the same facility that my father lives in which would provide more care and they could see each other once a day
- visiting the neurologist again in two weeks to discuss her dose of Rexulti and Zoloft to address her insomnia, depression, and dementia
- trying to find some kind of psychiatrist or neurologist who specializes in dementia
- moving her into MC in her current community
Thanks for your help!

M1

Welcome to the forum. It sounds like she needs MC, for sure, and the only question is where. Putting her where you dad is sounds like it might be a good idea. I would ask both MC facilities if they have a physician they work with who could potentially prescribed for her depression, agitation, and sleep fragmentation. All of those should potentially respond to Rexulti and Zoloft—though honestly the older antipsychotics Seroquel and Risperdal work just as well as Rexulta and are a lot cheaper. Sorry you are facing this.

MN Chickadee

You may find that after the initial adjustment period she does much better in memory care. There is so much more structure, support, and routine in MC. To the rest of us it may sound dreadful, but most PWD really thrive off routine, fewer decisions needing to be made, and someone else being on top of their needs for them. The activities in MC are more suited for a PWD unlike AL; her options in AL may be overwhelming now. After an initial rocky adjustment my mother did so much better in MC than she was doing at home. All the stress of trying to survive in the regular world faded away and her anxiety improve.
Also in MC the staff are usually better trained and more experienced with dementia, so they have tricks and techniques to get people engaged in activities, do their daily hygiene etc. I would also consult her doctor about meds for persisting anxiety, depression, and sleep issues. Sometimes they can do wonders for quality of life.

jennyp

Thank you for your advice - I just joined this community and feel such a sense of relief to correspond with people who have been through/are going through similar situations. :)