memory care

downeygallagher

What is exactly memory care? How do you know when it is time? When they don't recognize you anymore? hard to handle?

PS67

Glad you asked….I have the same questions.

M1

Welcome to the forum, there should be lots of old threads on this topic if you search. Memory care refers to group residential living that is specifically designed for those with dementia. It generally includes locked doors to the unit to prevent wandering and eloping, provision of medications, meals, and laundry services, and assistance with activities of daily living including bathing, toileting, dressing, and hygiene. It typically also includes failure-free activities, such as music, simple crafts, movies, things like that. Most memory care, as opposed to assisted living, is designed for residents to age in place and eventually die in residence.

Memory care is not skilled care in a nursing home. The good ones provide dementia-specific training for their staff, and this is always something to ask about. Many places contract for additional services, such as having a podiatrist come periodically, hair and barber services, and even medical care and hospice.

Memory care and assisted living are both expensive. In many places it is not covered by insurance, but in a few states, there are some beds that accept Medicaid payment. that is not the case in my state, and it currently costs us slightly over $10,000 per month. Fees typically range $5000+ per month.

Hope this helps, but search for old threads too. It comes up over and over.

Joe C.

IMHO it is never to early to start looking at Memory Care Facilities. I started looking at MC a few years before I placed my wife and put refundable deposit down long before I placed her. Putting a deposit down gave me the gave me right of first refusal when rooms opened up. I turned down multiple rooms because I was not ready but when it time came I was first on the list when a room opened. Also not all MCs are equal, as M1 some MC allow residents to age in place until they pass but others want you to move your LO once their care requires too much attention from the staff. I only learned this by visiting multiple facilities and noticing some places seemed to have higher functioning residents than others. I learned to start asking questions like, do you hand feed resident when they can no longer feed themselves, no you allow/accept non ambulatory patients, do you use hoyer lifts if necessary, etc.

Beachfan

Everything M1 and Joe said. I “window shopped” for 2 full years prior to placing DH in MC. I am in PA; cost was $6200.00/month when DH passed (4/23); it’s probably higher now. It was all inclusive, dementia /Alz specific and I was assured that DH could age in place (die) there. He was at home with me for 11 1/2 years, but he required hands on care 24/7 and my kids and grandkids pushed for placement; they could see I was drowning. DH was well loved and well cared for; resided in MC for 17 months until he passed. I have no regrets; I would have wanted him to do the same if the roles were reversed. It did help that he no longer knew us for some time before placement. He was never unhappy or combative. I miss him so…….

Good luck; nothing is easy with Alzheimer’s.

CampCarol

I have been touring facilities for almost 6 months now and am about to start a second elimination round. You don’t want to have to make a fast and uninformed decision should something unexpected happen that would require immediate placement. I have to recover after seeing every one; the thought of moving my husband to one of these is just killing me. He (I think) is almost ready; although he can be quite lucid at times, he’s refusing to take meds, eat, lays in bed all day, etc. The only thing holding me back is nights and his fear of abandonment. He’s afraid of the dark and struggles with the TV remote. I leave the light on, but somehow it gets turned off; I usually need to go comfort him in the middle of the night. I just can’t see a MC aide helping him in this way. The quote M1 mentioned above is what I’m seeing here as well.

Laurie1282

I have been visiting and researching memory care facilities for the past year in anticipation of placement for my husband with Alzheimer's. One huge consideration that I was not aware of is how they charge for services. Many have a "lower" base fee but then all the extras like medication supervision, dressing/shower assistance and eventual hand feeding are all tacked on and can really add up. I'm choosing a facility that has a higher monthly base fee, but it includes everything he needs now and will need in the future. The only increase should be possible yearly increases.

Pat6177

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70095/memory-care

you asked how does one know when it is time. I have not placed my DH yet but I am starting to look at MCFs. I’ve been reading this forum for about 3 yrs. The decision to place is a combination of the symptoms of the PWD and the tolerance of the caregiver to cope with those symptoms. There is no hard and fast rule. In some cases when the PWD doesn’t recognize the spouse any more, it can get difficult to provide care. The PWD might get paranoid and become afraid of the caregiver and may demand that the caregiver leave the house. Or the PWD might be like my DH. Most times he doesn’t know our relationship tho he does call me by name. He knows I’m “his person”. But the fact that he doesn’t know I’m his wife and thinks I’m a caregiver will make it easier to place him. The symptoms the PWD has can definitely lead to placement. Some PWD that are aggressive or violent can be treated with medications and continue to be cared for at home. But that aggression may quickly lead to placement, especially if the caregiver is 5 ft 6 in and the PWD is 6 ft 2 in.

The biggest thing to try to remember when you make the decision is to decide with your head not with your heart. Don’t let guilt play any role in your decision. If you are getting burned out, strongly consider placement. That will save you and allow you to continue to be a spouse and oversee your LO’s care without the stress of 24/7 care. A couple of years ago, a regular poster decided to place her DH so that she could have some time spent in “normal” retirement activities. Her DH had enjoyed 20 years of retirement. And she had to retire to care for him. Her DH no longer recognized her, was easy to care for and adjusted to mcf well. My situation is similar to her story and is making it easier for me to make my decision. Moral of this long paragraph is to read a lot of threads on here. You may find someone living your situation and their solutions may give you ideas for dealing with your situation.

ghphotog

It's different for everyone. I wanted to care for my DW through it all but the reality was she finally got to the place I couldn't do it anymore and still survive. Even with daycare several days a week. That still left me afternoons, nights, mornings and weekends caregiving by myself. Sleep became harder and harder as I would often wake up whenever she moved so I could check on and tend to her. Many nights I would have to get her out of bed so I could clean and change her, replace the bed sheets. Many 2am showers with a lot of emotion and drama only to do it all again at 5 or 6 in the morning and from then on it was constant non-stop caregiving during until bedtime again. Rinse and repeat, every single day.

I checked several places, some cheaper places like residential settings just seemed dark and depressing. I found a good place and the staff are great. They take good care of her. It's been almost six months now and I'm still dragging my feet sometimes getting things done.

HollyBerry

In our area, there's a big difference between small, specialty memory care facilities with no other residents, and the large (huge) continuum of care campuses. My mom was in AL on a large campus with gorgeous gardens, restaurants, chapel, lots of activities for families as well as residents, so that's my precedent. That apparently costs about $3500/month more than the smaller place I visited, which is for profit, non-refundable deposit, charges a different rate at different degrees of progression of the disease, relies on community volunteer groups to supplement the activity person, etc. $3500/month is a lot of flowers and family music nights, when maybe I ought to be counting the number of bird feeders outside the windows, because that's what she will care about.