H

Merla

f

M1

Frankly, i would not seek her input and use your own best judgement. If she isn't safe to travel independently, then she's past the point of having meaningful input on where she lives. You need to think about not the carpet color or furnishing bells and whistles but more sraff training and eventual transition to memory care. Fly her once, not twice, to come when you're ready to move her in.

harshedbuzz

Merla—

If you're questioning this, it's because your guts knows it isn't safe.

If you truly can't escort her on the flight, I would see if there is someone else who might be willing to. Perhaps she has a friend you could hire to be her traveling companion. If not, I would call local home care agencies and see if you can hire someone. YBH, it seems easier to attempt to cobble together childcare for a couple days and do this.

HB

housefinch

Relying on someone to draw a conclusion from a failure is assuming they have a brain that can take data, analyze it, and form a rational and logical conclusion. The brain with dementia can’t do that. She probably will fail, and she will not understand that she needs help.
Can you process your understandable grief and anger with a therapist? I would just choose a place for her to live and make all arrangements without involving her. She sounds like she lacks the executive functioning skills to manage that process. I’m guessing her involvement will add stress to the process and worsen your emotional load. Sending you hugs.

H1235

You are very very lucky that she has come to the conclusion that she needs your help! Anosognosia is a lack of understanding regarding their own limitations. Anosognosia is common with dementia. Early on my mom recognized she needed some help, but that didn’t last long. I would take her willingness as a huge win and not press your luck further by hoping a this will prove to her she needs more help. A confusing unfamiliar situation that she is not able to handle can cause her symptoms to get worse ( probably only temporarily, but still not good). Even the visit itself may cause symptoms to worsen. If stressed too much (anosognosia may kick in) she may end up deciding she doesn’t need that much extra help and end up refusing the move. Why can’t the flight be rescheduled? I can understand not wanting to miss your daughters first day of kindergarten, it’s a big spray for you both. I hope you can figure something out.

Quilting brings calm

one of your other posts included the fact that she has already missed a flight due to confusion. That she remembers your older child’s name but not the younger one’s.
I do not think the airlines have an unaccompanied senior service similar to what they have for unaccompanied minors. You might ( and I stress might) be able to get permission for your friend to accompany her to the gate- but she’s going to have to get on the plane, give her seat and be able to deal with being on the flight the entire time herself. If she causes a disturbance, you aren’t going to like the result. They don’t play around at the airport and on planes.

my suggestion/ you pick out a place and make all the arrangements. pay her friend's round trip to bring her to you at that time if you can’t take the time to do your own round trip.

Then you make arrangements to have her household items packed and delivered to a storage location in your area. Work with a realtor to sell her house( if she owns one).

She sounds at the level where she needs at least AL. My mom is doing ok in an AL. It’s one that has a nurse on staff on weekdays, and. 24/7 resident assistant staff. They manage her medications( delivered in blister packs from a local pharmacy). However I can see that Mom is only going to last there another year or so before she will need a locked unit and help with her ADLs. The staff is already prompting her to take a shower. I think someone has helped her pick out her clothes for the day recently too( that’s based on something mom said to me as opposed to staff).