maybe just a late night vent??

Dunno

I think I may have finally snapped. I called my son this morning to come over and try to help calm my wife. For over a week now, she has been telling me everything is hers, and if I don’t leave, she will call the police. She doesn’t know who I am and insists I get out.”
I know this will sound super selfish, but for those of you who have placed your loved one in MCF, has the loneliness been more of a stress on you than the chaos of caring in the late stages? … im about shot out!

Dunno

for what its worth i tried to delete this thread… having a moment :)

Morna

Don't delete, we all have those moments and need to purge.

Crkddy

You're only human. I used to go outside after similar episodes and scream as loud as I could and then pace back and forth until I could calm down. We have all been through it. Don't beat yourself up.

sandwichone123

I was much less lonely after placement because I could begin to rediscover parts of my life I had subsumed to his manic activity in those last months before I placed him. I still went to see him and for a long time I could still take him out once a week, but I also had space to be me.

Despondent

Morna is right, we all get those moments. Your fine then something triggers you. May I suggest getting a home care worker, come in to help you with her. Or try putting her into a MCF for a week's respite for both of you. That may help you make a decision, that is right for both of you. I would have shipped my husband out for a weekend, last week. I was checking for a place on the internet, then realized, I had not looked at any location. So I will do my homework so I know where I could send him, the next time I had it. I have no family to give me a break. And I don't have the money to put him in a MCF even if I wanted to. Have you talked to her Dr. about meds, even if it's a dose as needed. You said late stage so I assume a daycare wouldn't be an option. There are none in our area, so I don't have that option. Sign on and vent anytime you need to.

M1

Dunno im glad you didn't delete. No, the loneliness is awful, but it's not worse, because i know there is someone else helping to manage her. Our transition to MC was bad, long and difficult, and only now more peaceful because she's very late stage now. Life at home had become unmanageable. Do what you need to do, it's not selfish. btw is she on medication? Sounds like she could benefit from something for agitation.

hiya

Dunno, I went through a very similar thing though it only last about 13 hours over night. It was awful and somewhat scary. My DH was put on Seroquel and Buspar. Those meds changed my life and his for a while. If yr DW is not on antipsychotic or anxiety meds, please talk to her Dr.asap. It may make things manageable at least for a while. Also look at MC facilities as a plan B.
There is so much knowledge, support and help on this forum. It’s a safe place to post and vent.

ceeb

A perfectly reasonable vent. My mom is in AL but they are saying she is probably a better candidate for MC. I’ve been in denial about it, I think. Took her home with me for 3 days this week and saw what the AL staff was seeing. She clearly needs more care than I can give her while working from home full time and being single with little family support. But once I brought her back to AL last night, though I felt horrible for leaving her there, I was so relieved to know she was being cared for by multiple professionals whose time was dedicated to her. Having her in AL (and possibly MC in the near future) does not make me lonelier than having her stay with me. I’m lonely because the disease has robbed me of the mother I used to know. And that loneliness will exist regardless of where she lives. Sending you a heartfelt hug, understanding, and encouragement to, as others have suggested, seek medical advice about medications and consider AL or MC. None of this is easy. You’re doing a great job.

Dunno

You folks are great!. Thank you. I’m going to see about the meds first of the week. I have a pacemaker/ablation consultation on Tuesday and cataract surgery on the 15th. Trying to coordinate these events has added even more stress. I’ll get through this just like the rest of you. Thanks for your support

AnderK

I agree with all the good comments. My only comment, as I wait for the courage to place him, is that I am incredibly lonely right now. And I am lying in bed with him by my side. I believe abd while hindsight is 20 20 and foresight is 0 0, that when he is placed that I will still be lonely for the man and partner that I had. Ambiguous Grief is a terrible thing. Kathy