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Merla

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Anonymousjpl123

@Merla that is absolutely what I did with my mom, and it worked well. We toured places as if it was “senior living” / 55 plus communities.

You mentioned in your other posts you haven’t spent extended time with her: she may be farther along than you realize. That is what happened to me. I grossly overestimated what my mom would understand. On tours, she tried her very best to show how functional she was. But I was shocked by how much of her capacity was lost. I honestly thought at the time it was due to the move but in hindsight, my dad had provided much more scaffolding than I knew about.

I would only send her places that have independent living by email. Or you could just send her websites. Don’t send her too many details, I doubt she will understand.

It sounds mean, but the more you can convince her it’s close to what she wants the better. That was my experience. We did have to deal with her complaints after, but at that point she was already moved in and honestly a good lunch or visit and care could make it better. I have never regretted my mom’s out of state move.

psg712

My mom did not want to move. I had to research and make the decision when it became clear that she was not safe on her own anymore. Like many family members in our situation, I still underestimated her difficulties.

The 2 things that appeared to help her most in the transition were the pitch that she would have her own space (as opposed to living with me) and the fact that her beloved cat was coming with her. Once she was here, it was so evident how badly she needed the 24/7 supervision and care. No guilt: you are doing what she needs by encouraging and planning for the move closer to you.

M1

Merla i agree that you are right to be concerned, since you haven't spent any time with her its going to be virtually impossible to know what level of care she needs until she arrives. I would also think the facility would want to do an assessment to be sure they were placing her correctly. If you are going by what she is telling you you may be badly misled.

harshedbuzz

Also know that some CCRCs specifically screen for cognitive issues and memory loss as a part of the admission process to avoid accepting new residents with potential MCI/dementia.

You may need to play along with discussing and such, but ultimately make the decision on her behalf and get her into the place by whatever means necessary. In your shoes, I might place her telling her it's a trial to see how she likes it. Rinse and repeat.

HB

M1

count your blessings that she is doing this voluntarily. Is she going to come stay with you for any period to be assessed? Are you going to have to sell her property or possessions after she moves?

mabelgirl

prayers for success and lucky you, blessed that your mom is willing to make the move.

mabelgirl

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/218575#Comment_218575

sorry for my delayed response, was actually moving my mom to AL this past weekend. Yes I toured them first myself and then I had my sisters look at online whatever info I had. If we felt it was worthwhile we took my mom. The facility director knew how to handle a PWD.