Heartbroken

tryingtodurvive

I’m sitting here in the early morning barely able to breathe with grief. Tomorrow I’m taking my precious DH to his new home at a beautiful memory care facility. I just pray he’ll have peace and contentment in his new home. If any of you are prayer warriors please just pray that my sweet Tommy is safe and happy. He’s not who he used to be. He doesn’t always know me and he can be ornery with me which he never was before. I’m just hoping to remember who he was in our 30 years together.

Karen711

praying for you💕

Joe C.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.

mrahope

Hoping it's a smooth transition for you both.

fmb

Lifting both of you in prayer. ((Hugs))

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70183/heartbroken

Praying for you and your DH.

M1

let us know how it goes. You will survive this. Our 30th anniversary is this month too.

Kat63

Prayers for Tommy and you.

White Crane

Holding you and your Tommy close in prayer. Please let us know how you are doing and how your Tommy is doing.

easy23

I'm praying for you and your DH. I hope things go smoothly! Hang in there!

ghphotog

It will be hard, the hardest thing you've probably ever had to do but many times these choices are made for us by things beyond our control and everything about this disease is beyond our control.
We get a break from caregiving but the heartbreak doesn't go a way.

I see my DW almost every day. She hasn't really adjusted to MC and she's been there nearly 6 months now. I've seen how things can be in an MC facility. I'm grateful that the staff at her MC really seem to be caring people that actually care about what they are doing other than just a job but I've also seen conflict between residents. At times almost physical. That always concerns me and it scares my DW because she doesn't understand what's going on but senses the hostility, however, the staff are good at difussing and separating those individuals, just like children. They can get on each other's nerves just like all of us.
The heartbreaking part is how we are forced to place them because they are beyond our ability to care for any longer on our own. I can't lift my wife in and out of a wheelchair to potty, go to bed, feed her or get her in and out of the car safely any longer. Knowing they are being cared for by strangers and for the most part are there day and night without us, feeling alone and scared, my DW anyway.

She is safer in MC. They always keep her clean. They always treat her with compassion and kindness. It takes a special person to do that job day in and day with compassion and I'm grateful for them.

marier

I am praying for you and Tommy today. Please keep us posted on how it goes for You and Tommy.

Beachfan

After 53 married years and 11 1/2 years of caring for DH at home, he was placed in MC in November, 2021. He no longer knew me, the kids, the grandkids, where he was, or why. He was well cared for and well loved for 17 months until he passed in April, 2023. I loved him dearly and miss him with all my heart. But I have no regrets; he is okay, I am okay. You can do this. I am a woman of faith; my prayers go with you. Stay strong and cherish the time you have together. 💕💕

SDianeL

I know how you feel. I placed my dear husband Lonny in Memory Care in January. Praying for your strength and for Tommy to adjust well. My husband did well at both facilities until recently when his disease seems to be progressing more rapidly. You are making the right choice for you and for him. Also praying for his caregivers at the facility. Cherish the memories you have of your wonderful years together. Hugs. 🙏

Lkrielow99

my love to you and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I’m not there yet. This sucks.

Mint

prayers for you and Tommy.

DMJohnson

Keeping you and your Tommy in my heart! saying big prayers - it will all go well and God will give you the strength to get through this. I know he will - Big tight hugs being sent to you - and prayers. Please post how you and Tommy make out.

Elshack

Saying prayers for you and Tommy. Know that this is the best decision for both you and him.

M1

Will be thinking of you today. Post when you can.

harshedbuzz

Thinking of you in this painful task.

HB

dayn2nite2

I am going to tell you that it may be harder than when he leaves this world. But you WILL get through it and know that you aren't doing anything TO him, you are doing it FOR him. He will be safe and cared for by people who are more well-rested than you have been, and you will become an effective advocate for his care and you will be more patient and able to handle his difficulties with more grace. He will be fine. You will need time to adjust to the new normal, but you will be able to sleep at night knowing he is safe.

You may not believe it, but the facility will become like home to him, it has a structure and he will do better with that structure.

LindaLouise

Prayers for you and your Tommy. I was so tired when I placed by beloved DH (my Tom) of 47 years 3 months ago- and after the initial relief and sleep, the grief found its way in. I know he is in the right place and is calmer and more content daily, but being on my own was and is so hard and sad! He was part of everything I've done, cooked, built, traveled to and planned for since I've been 20 years old and everything in our home is a part of our life together. It is much harder than I thought and think often about bringing him home - but then remember how hard it was and why I placed him. What I miss is who we were, not who we are today. I just hadn't had time to process or grieve prior to having some time by myself. Prayer helps so much - the peace, the knowing that God is in control even when we don't understand. This helps me sometimes: "In the world you will have trouble, but take heart! I have overcome the world" John 16:33.

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