I'm afraid... Update on my DH Lonny - sorry long post

SDianeL

UPDATE 8/11/24: Lonny is now unable to swallow although he passed a swallow test a few days ago. His mouth is open all the time. Social Services will call me tomorrow morning to set up Hospice. 😢Pray his passing is peaceful and he doesn’t suffer. 🙏Background: My DH was stage 5-early 6 last December when I was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer. I had no choice but to place him in memory care. He was doing OK at first. Walking with a cane but not able to learn a walker. In February I transferred him to a VA Facility because if anything happens to me he wouldn't be able to afford the other facility on his pensions & they would have transferred him to a facility that may not get good care & reviews. He is getting excellent care at the VA facility & nothing I post from here on is the fault of their care. The VA facility doesn't allow canes and since he couldn't learn a walker they placed him in a wheelchair. He was doing OK with that until he developed agitation & aggression & they had no choice but to medicate him. He became bedridden & only woke up to eat. He ate all of his meals & went right back to sleep. He refuses to wear his dentures so they changed his diet to soft foods. (He also refuses to wear his glasses). They started slowly reducing his meds so he could get up in a wheelchair again & he was doing OK until he leaned over to pickup something off the floor & fell. Trip to the ER & 8 stitches in his head. Back to being bedridden & sleeping. Last week when I visited I noticed he wasn't eating. He couldn't seem to figure out how to use utensils. I fed him but noticed he wasn't swallowing the last bite. I would tell him to swallow & he would. I mentioned it to the nurse. She said they would feed him. This week they were feeding him mashed sweet potatoes & he had a choking episode so they changed his diet to pureed & liquids and ordered a swallow test. Today the speech therapist is going to do the test. She did say he ate dinner last night & breakfast this morning with no problem. I'm terrified because he seems to be rapidly moving from State 6 to Stage 7. He is now fully incontinent & can barely communicate. His oxygen is down to 90. They are trying to give him oxygen but he won't leave it in his nose. Although I know he wouldn't want to live this way I can't imagine losing him. To top it all off, I had to call his only daughter (who lives out of state) and is going also through breast cancer treatment. I am going to visit him tomorrow. Your thoughts & prayers are welcome & much appreciated. I don't know what I would have done the last 7 months without this forum. ❤️

M1

So sorry Diane. This progression likely would have happened regardless, i am in a similar situation though my partner is not choking yet. Unfortunately she can't tolerate being upright in a wheelchair because of her bad back, so she is mostly in bed and we're just waiting for the next fall.

You are certainly going to lose him and probably sooner rather than later, that's the honest truth. I don't think we're every ready for it—-and yet, I pray and wish daily for my partner's death to release her from this purgatory, she doesn't want to live this way. That actually comforts me. Do you have hospice on board for him? it certainly sound like it's high time and I would ask…..

Denise1847

Hi Diane,

I am so very sorry. I am sending you prayers and hugs.

housefinch

I’m so sorry. Sending you big hugs and comfort. You have been a wonderful wife to your husband.

CindyBum

Oh, Diane. I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending you big hugs.

xoxo

midge333

I am sorry. It sounds like your DH is nearing the end. Is hospice involved?

Shelly / Texas

Sending support……you are dealing with so much, Diane! It must be very scary, so glad you are here for support. 🌷

Kat63

So sorry your husband is progressing so quickly. Even knowing this can happen, we still are really ready. Sending prayers.

Jeanne C.

Comfort and strength to you. And I echo M1's suggestion to bring in hospice if they aren't already involved. I've found them to be a valuable source of care for my husband and support for me. Take care.

hiya

Diane, sending prayers your way. You are a wonderful wife.

GothicGremlin

I'm so sorry @SDianeL I know this is incredibly hard.

Like the others who have posted, my thought was about hospice. It sounds like it's time, and they can be very helpful.

Sending virtual hugs your way.

Caro_Lynne

Joining the others in praying for you, Lonny and his DD xo

White Crane

I’m so sorry, Diane. My prayers are with you.

Karen711

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70193/im-afraid-update-on-my-dh-lonny-sorry-long-post

Dear SDianeL- what you have been and are going through this past year seems unbearable. I’m glad you are able to “bring” your situation here, as I see so much love shown for you and your DH Lonny! I am not as far along in my journey as you, and I am in awe of your strength. I wish you both strength, love, and care to face the future. You both will be in my heart and prayers!

Karen

Jgirl57

SDianeL, I am sending big HUGS and holding you and hubby in my thoughts. I am so sorry ; you have shown such strength in all you have handled so far.((((HUGS))))

Quilting brings calm

I’m sorry. Please know that this has nothing to do with you placing him. You didn’t ‘hurry this along’. As you said, he’s getting excellent care there. It’s just the way it sometimes happens.

I’m also sorry that both you and your step-daughter are dealing with cancer right now on top of everything else.

JeriLynn66

Prayers for you and for your dear Lonny. You've been a true warrior. I agree it's time to bring in Hospice. Support and care for you both as you navigate this stage. Much love to you.

Mint

prayers for you and Lonny

ImMaggieMae

I’m so sorry, Diane. Sending prayers for you and Lonny.

mrahope

Hoping that somehow peace begins to come to you both. Praying for that.

annie51

So sorry, Diane, on what you’re going through with your husband, especially with the added issue of the cancer. Take as good care of yourself as possible - you’re worth it! Sending prayers and hugs to you.

northernlady

Diane,

What a year this has been for you.

I see you going ine step at a time, dealing with whatever that day brings. Your darling Lonny receives the best of your love, and no one can ever take that away.

I hope peace finds you both soon.

Blessed be,

M

harshedbuzz

@SDianeL

I'm sending thoughts and prayers to your DD, Lonny and you. That's a lot on one set of shoulders.

My dad's dementia seemed to accelerate in the later stages which was a marked contrast to his earlier progression. I think the faster pace made it harder for my mom to process the changes which was hard. I think, too, that mom's care and intuitive scaffolding helped dad appear less progressed in the disease than he would have in the care of anyone else.

HB