How to approach MC

Katielu

Hello all. Like so many of you, I have had to make the difficult decision to place my DH in MC. I have secured an “apartment “ and will plan to move him at the end of the month. He still puts on a good show, but had severe loss of words which makes him hard to converse with. He has difficulty choosing clothes and would not change his clothes or shower if it were up to him. He has walked into the wrong Condo on many occasions, can’t manage meds or money, can’t tell time and has no concept of time, along with other little issues.

My question is how to get him to MC. He will not want to go, will not want to be there and I am concerned he will feel abandoned. And once I get him in the door ( if) then how do I leave him there…

I know this is the right move for both of us, what keeps me up at night is how to get him there, how to leave him there and will he adjust?

Thanks in advance for any help.

charley0419

my biggest fear your not alone,

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70203/how-to-approach-mc

I dread this same thing. When I have to move him, I plan on telling him that the doctor says he needs rehab so he can get around better. I have also considered telling him that I need to have surgery and cannot take care of him temporarily. He wouldn't be safe by himself. When I come home and heal, then hopefully, we will both be in better shape. This is appealing to his need and interest. It is a fiblet, but so necessary.

M1

Hi Katie. In general, the less discussion with him the better. Certainly don't talk about it ahead of time. Talk to the staff; they have done this a thousand times and can give you suggestions; generally they will meet you at the door. You can tell him you're going for a doctor's appointment and they've decided he should stay for a checkup; you can say you're going out to lunch; you can say there's a problem with the plumbing in the condo (or gas leak, radon exposure, whatever) and you've had to find a place for him to stay for a little bit. Nothing more elaborate than that. A lot of folks will arrange to arrive for an activity or a meal, then let the staff take over while you slip out. They will give you some advice about when to visit, don't be surprised if they tell you to stay away for a bit so that he can adjust.

Hope it goes will. I promise this is harder on you than it will be on him.

SDianeL

Last December I had to place my DH quickly due to my diagnosis of aggressive form of breast cancer. He had no other relatives that could care for him. I moved in with my daughter so she could help me. I chose a nearby facility that got good reviews after touring 3. The nurse & social worker told me to tell him my daughter and I were taking him to lunch with my daughters coworker. She said once we sat down she would join us and that we should excuse ourselves and leave. My daughter said she had to make a phone call and I asked where the restroom was. We walked out the door and left him there. I sobbed all the way home. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. She told him that I was sick and would be in the hospital for a month. She also told us not to come visit for at least a week so he could settle in. He settled in quickly.

mrahope

I know it's unusual but MC staff helped me by literally picking him up and taking him to the facility. They explained they had a "job" for DH there (he was a clinical psychologist) and needed him to help with their patients. I was a nervous wreck the day they picked him up, but he did go with them. He was furious when he realized what the situation was, but then forgot about it. Three and a half months later he seems to have adjusted reasonably well.

TyroneSlothrop

I moved my DW to MC about 6 weeks ago. The move-in and drop-off were excellent, thanks to the professionalism of the facility staff.

The weekend prior, I moved some of her things in, and hung a few pictures and a whiteboard in her new apartment. On Sunday, I introduced the fiblet, and she and I discussed that we needed to move out of the house for a major renovation, and that we had found a charming little hotel for her to stay in. We packed some clothes in a suitcase, and put some odd things in boxes to bring.

On Monday, we went to the MC and moved her in, unpacked her stuff. The staff knew when we were coming, and while I unpacked her clothes, a director offered to take her on a tour of the place. The director returned in 20 minutes without DW, and reported that DW had joined the exercise activity. When I was ready to leave, I said I would be coming back soon.

She is adjusting well: making friends, participating, not anxious. When I visit, she wants to come home with me; but is distractable, more and more easily each time. Her exit-seeking has abated.

I ascribe this success to the staff of the MC.

Tyrone

Dio

I was always upfront about placement with DH. Everything I told him was true up to the day of move-in (which required white lies and finesse). I drove home the idea that I needed to make sure he has long-term care in case something were to happen to me such that I wouldn't be able to take care of him, that he would not be left homeless or abandoned, that he'd be well taken care of, and that's a promise. He's been in MC over a year now. He acclimated well and seemed to understand why he's there, never acted out wanting to go home (not yet, anyways). But there were aggressive and combative episodes due to other triggers.