40th wedding anniversary

Kat63

So today is our 40th wedding anniversary. Of course my DH now is well into stage 6 and recently put on hospice. He doesn’t recognize me anymore, let alone aware it’s our anniversary. Funny how your mind knows this day will just be another caregiver day. No flowers, no special dinner or weekend away to celebrate. But my heart is definitely hurting and I’m trying hard to keep the tears from falling. I’m surprised it has hit me this hard. I’m just so sad today.

sfrsythe

this must be difficult. I’m just starting this journey. Blessings to you! I send my hugs!

trottingalong

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70239/40th-wedding-anniversary

I’m so sorry. Your grief is understandable. Your anniversary is an important day with many fond memories. I tell myself it’s just another day when a birthday or anniversary cannot be shared or even recognized. But the heart always overrides the mind. Wishing you a happy 40th anniversary. That’s quite the milestone.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70239/40th-wedding-anniversary

I am so sorry. I wish there was something to say that would ease your pain. Sending hugs your way.

Jeanne C.

Nothing can take away the hurt, but know that we're with you. You're doing a great job for your husband and that is a testament to your 40 years of marriage. Hugs.

Shelly / Texas

Kat, I understand. A fews weeks ago was our 28th anniversary. I opened our wedding album with him nearby and talked about what a special day it was………….when I looked over he had already nodded off in his recliner. Sad, yes. But I still have the memories prior to dementia when it was a special celebration with flowers and a nice dinner. We are all in this together! Hugs and happy anniversary !

Kat63

Thanks everyone. Your comments have helped make the day a little better. Thankful for this group.

Jean loves wildlife

Your post chokes me up. Sending love, hugs, and virtual flowers. You have been on a long journey of loving and caring for him. God bless you.

fmb

@Kat63 I hear your pain and grief. Every holiday and special occasion since DH was placed has been a stabbing reminder of what we once had and all we have lost. We've been together over 21 years, married for nearly 15. In our wedding vows, we promised to love each other forever.

I'd like to share what I recently wrote to a dear friend who lost his wife to Covid 1-1/2 years ago. He had to make the decision to remove her from a ventilator.

I would venture to say that making those extremely difficult, forever life altering, irreversible decisions is the very essence of love (the verb). Too many people think of love as a noun, an object to possess or give away. And they want to possess their beloved for as long as possible, no matter what the cost. But real love (verb) is sitting at their beloved's bedside for hours until you can barely stay awake, emptying catheter bags, hand-feeding with kindness and dignity, praying and hoping for the best outcome for their beloved, and at the end of the day, praying for discernment to make the best decision for our loved one despite our breaking heart. Real love is not for sissies.

Kat63, let the tears fall if they need to. You are honoring your marriage vows in ways you would never have dreamed of 40 years ago. You are living real love. ((Hugs))

Kat63

I had not thought of love that way but for all of us caring for our loved ones so true. Agree this is not for sissies. Thank you.

White Crane

Happy Anniversary, Kat. We recently "celebrated" our 57th wedding anniversary. I know the grief that accompanies these special days. We want so much for them to recognize them and to celebrate with us but they can't. So we celebrate for them and then we go home and cry. When the tears dry maybe you can think about some of the special and wonderful times you have had together all these years and know that he still loves you even though he can no longer acknowledge the day. Blessings and hugs.

Brenda

Belle60

Happy Anniversary! We recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. DH is in stage 4 so we were able to celebrate by going out to a nice dinner but I had to keep reminding why we were there. Later, he made the comment "are we going to tell anyone" and "are we going to do anything about it" He doesn't remember we have been married for 17 years. I am honestly afraid to ask him if he remembers our wedding because I don't want to know the answer. I guess I have to be thankful he remembers me and now remembers I am his wife. This disease robs you of everything. We all cry a little bit every day when we are by ourselves.

I agree. Acknowledge the good times even he doesn't remember. Know he still loves you.

Crkddy

Kat63, Happy anniversary. I think I know what you're feeling. Our 42nd was 6 weeks ago…..it was just another day for us at this point. It was one a lonely one, as most are now. But I did get us a milkshake and shared it with her as we did so many times prior to this journey. She still enjoys her ice cream.

M1

Our 30th is this month. Happy anniversary. Wish there were words for all of it.

FredW

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70239/40th-wedding-anniversary

I’m sorry Kat63 you must feel totally alone. Remember those good times. Alzheimer’s can’t take the good memories away.

mrahope

Just know that I'm one more person who truly gets it. You are doing a really tough thing (as all caregivers do) and hope you remember that you're showing your love to your dear one every day, not just today. This is just one example of missing a person who isn't truly gone yet, even though they seem that way to us. Take care.

Kat63

Thanks so everyone. It really does help as I know you all DO understand.