Just need an emotional release

Daisie

The evenings are bad for me. I miss my mom. I miss sitting here with her, enjoying TV on the couch, and being close to her. I miss being her daughter. I know, I know. I still am at some level, but everything has changed so quickly.

I've had to do so much in such a short period of time. Decided she needed to go to the ER, refused to take her home because I realized I could not meet her needs anymore without getting myself sick, got her signed up for Medicaid (pushed and pushed and pushed on that one), found an MCF, watched her change so much in the hospital, prepared her for the move to MCF (supposed to be next Monday after almost two weeks in hospital), signed her up for the PACE program, and dealing with my own emotions. It's also surreal that I was able to accomplish so much so quickly on my own. I didn't know I had it in me and didn't know my own strength. I thought getting a divorce was awful, but this is much, much worse. Now I feel like I just want to melt.

I'm going to my first support group tomorrow night, and I hope it helps. I also am starting therapy on Thursday.

My mom's finally stable in the hospital but loopy and delusional as hell. I worry there's going to be a horrible adjustment period for her again at the MCF. They've advised I stay away for a week or two. I know it's for the best, but I feel like I'm abandoning her. It just hurts so bad.

I know I'll get through it and will come out the other side, but man, this is ROUGH.

psg712

Hugs and prayers for you. You are stronger than you realize. And it's clear how much you love your mom. After all the transitions, I hope you can have some peaceful times together again. It won't be the same, but it can still be sweet. Don't give up!

JeriLynn66

Daisie you've moved mountains in the past few weeks and months. It's no wonder you feel exhausted and empty. But you're continuing to do the right things by getting more support for yourself. You're in our thoughts and prayers. Sending Big hugs to you.

SusanB-dil

There is no doubt you care so much for mom. But this is one reason the caregiver needs a break! You've done a lot in a little time. Once in MC, you can still be the advocate and her daughter. Please use those 2 weeks to take a breather. Do be kind to yourself. Hang in there! ((hugs))

jen ht

I feel so much of this, too, Daisie. It's a whole, whole lot. My hand in yours across the miles. I can absolutely relate. I've walked a similar journey recently as well (and still am). Also started counseling and found a couple of support groups. I think those are good ideas. I felt like I needed to talk and talk and talk about it to process emotions and concerns. So many here can relate and are so kind in their wording of insights and suggestions. You are not alone. Grief is heavy.

I am wishing you well. 💜

jen

Anonymousjpl123

@Daisie it is an enormously heavy lift and you have done it. It is so true: crisis shows us strength we never knew we had. I really believe things will calm down. I think the support group and therapy will really help.

Alone&Depressed

<3 I am new here and just read your post..I am so sorry for all you are going through..this is a terrible disease and I'm dealing with it also with my Mom....I just feel for you so much...I wanted to say "Hi" and you are not alone!

kblau

Wow! In your exhaustion, I hope you muster up the energy to smile and feel proud of yourself. You did it. And she’s proud of you too!

Lucy C

It takes some time to catch your breath. Therapy will help, support will help, but it just takes time to breathe and get steady. If you can take daily walks, and get some fresh air—focus on rebuilding good sleep habits, it will help your body adjust while your brain tries to rebalance everything.

Hugs!