Meds for Spouses?

LindaLouise

Sorry - kind of long but looking for advice for how to manage my own emotions.

My 68 year old DH - probably stage 5-6- was placed 3 months ago due to aggression, high anxiety, not sleeping, wandering, and extreme agitation. New meds, the skill of the MC nurses, and the fact that he can wander about the hallways and talk to lots of people (not just me) have all helped. I think about bringing him home, but at this point, I'm just grateful that he is less miserable and that I'm sleeping and not constantly afraid he will get out of the house and I won't be able to get him back in. However, now that I'm not so exhausted and my daily visits to the MC leave me some time to think, I miss him and our previous life together so, so much. I feel so sad knowing that the future we planned for together, the grandparent team that we were, the little, old sail boat we loved so much and our joy in family gatherings at our home are no longer. I feel pain when I see my brothers and their wives and my friends and their spouses living out the life I used to have - I just want it back but know it will never be. Also, the finances we had will now go to the MC facility; the security we once thought we had is no longer, due to the fact that Alz is not a Medicare covered disease. So - I do feel sad, and discouraged and that my life is basically over. I hope and pray that this is part of the grieving process, and I won't always feel this way, but I have potentially years of this journey still to go.

My PCP recommended Lexapro for me but I worry that taking it will short circuit the grieving I'm doing. Have any of you tried taking Lexapro and found it helped? Or is it better just to feel all the feelings - awful as they are - without meds?

ronda b

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/70281/meds-for-spouses

Try the lexpro

M1

Linda I’d vote for trying the Lexapro. You don’t medicate grief away, you’ll still feel it. But there’s an overlap for everyone between stress and depression.

As much as you want to bring him home, I wouldn’t. The reason he’s doing better is because of the MC, as you said.

harshedbuzz

@LindaLouise

I would encourage you to consider the Lexapro. I took once for about 18 months when our family had a string of life altering loss and changes. I had a lot to grieve and was struggling with PTSD sleep issues. The Lexapro took the edge off. I still had to work through being sad and robbed of the life we'd planned for, but I no longer had that feeling like my chest was going to explode.

My mom really struggled with the sadness and jealousy of her friends and family all coming a going and living their best lives. While a few of these people might have been a little tone deaf at the time, mom was imagining them all living a life the only exists in a Viking Cruise brochure. Working with a therapist, tweaking her psychoactive medications and the passage of time have helped a lot.

HB

Lkrielow99

Linda, I am sorry. You are in the right place and the members are experienced. My doctor that I hadn’t seen in a year took a look at me and said she was prescribing Lexapro. It stopped my constant crying and let me figure things out. Although I don’t cry, I’m still morning. It’s a long goodbye. I would say to give it a try. As others mentioned, I wouldn’t bring him home. I’m sure it took a lot of courage to place him. This disease is horrible. Much love to you and hugs

clarinetist

Am sorry for your situation, LindaLouise. I’ve been on an antidepressant for the past four years, and it’s what keeps me sane. Whenever I consider cutting the dosage, my DH enters a new stage, and I need it again. I still feel sad about my husband and grieve the life I thought we would have, but the antidepressant keeps me on an even keel.

LindaLouise

Thank you all so much for your very helpful comments. What would I do without all of you!! It is beyond amazing to have a place to think these things through with others who understand. I think I will give the Lexapro a try - so reassuring to know that it has taken the edge of for many of you - sounds like just what I need to keep moving forward. Today at the MC, one of the nurses commented that he is sleeping better at night - sometimes up to three hours! - but still walks around a lot until 1:30 or so. That reminded me - as did so many of you - that going through the pain of placement has allowed me to begin to recover and rest, so I can continue to care for him, my 92 year old mom and have a little leftover for the grandkids…

Elshack

I found an antidepressant really helped me navigate the 7 and 1/2 yr journey when my DH had Alzheimer's . He passed away last Nov but I continue to take it. To me, depression is the flip side of anziety , and I take Celexa rather than Lexapro. My DH was in Memory care for the last 15 mo. of his life. That worked out best for him and for me. Yes, it depletes your savings for sure but the alternative is your health being majorly compromised if you kept him at home and also memory Care is the best place for him. I didn't have to take care of my 92 yr old mother like you do! Sending virtual (((hugs ))) to you.