ideal living situations?

larmarj

DW was diagnosed with MCI two years ago, she is still pretty independent, driving well, etc. But that is changing as may be expected. We are both 78, in reasonably good health and pretty active for our age.

One area of concern regards our future living situation. We live independently in our home of 50 years. I can see some changes will likely be helpful or necessary in the future. It would be helpful to hear from you who have gone ahead through the various stages of this journey as to what housing situations you have found beneficial or desirable: home, condominium, apartment, etc. I understand people’s ideals can vary greatly. Nevertheless, it could be helpful to us to get some ideas from others about what has worked for you. Thanks.

M1

welcome to the forum. There are so many variables your question may be hard to answer. What are some of the changes you’re noticing?

The driving is frequently a hot button issue. The day will come when she’s no longer safe, and that may influence your choices .

brs

If you're currently living in a home that is two stories I suggest downsizing and moving to one level living. If you prefer to live independently in a house you'll need to begin simple modifications immediately. I installed hand stability devices at all entrances, bathrooms and a railing by the sunroom. Also, consider furniture changes, lift chair for watching tv/reading, dining chair that rolls - REMOVE all area rugs (this was a challenge for me) install lever door knobs in exchange to traditional turn knobs, ***as suggested by others here to me be sure the bathroom doors don't have locks - your loved one may not be able to unlock in the future (happened to my DH).

TThis can be overwhelming, I (we) on this forum understand. I participated in many online classes to prepare for "aging in place". I know we don't endorse organizations but to other than ALZ.org, AARP, Council on Aging and Get Set Up have been invaluable to me and are free.

Keep coming to this forum, it's been a lifeline for me ❤

harshedbuzz

@larmarj

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

There are a lot of factors that play into this.

When I was helping my mom decide as caregiver to dad things we considered were:

She was no longer safe living states away from family. As dad progressed, he lost the ability to be her medical advocate— he didn't recognize how sick she was, nor could he take steps to get her appropriate help. She nearly died. When he was diagnosed, we sold their homes and moved them closer to me.

They first landed in a 55+ apartment complex. In many respects this was ideal, there was no maintenance for mom to oversee or do and no chance for dad to complain about costs or insist he could do it. And they did offer some daily group transportation to shopping. Alas the unit was fairly small and they both hated it.

I would have loved them to opt for a CCRC where they could start in an independent cottage and move into AL or MC as needed. The place I favored has all manner of amenities and social programming on campus and a fleet of options for transportation. Alas, mom hated the idea, and it turns out they have cognitive testing as part of the application process which dad would not have passed.

Once we sold the first house, mom started making noise about getting a house. In searching, the things I considered were proximity to me, walkability (mom had ADM, so her driving days were limited) to shopping, dining and the community's large clubhouse and pool. I pushed for a place where mom would be able to live alone in stage 8; to that end it's been good. The community is a 55+ and most exterior maintenance is included in the HOA fee. The units aren't fully ADA accessible but are suitable for most elders. Mom was able to manage dad's care there easily until she placed him in MC which was driven by his behaviors and resistance to care.

If you think you'd prefer to stay where you are, you'll want to think ahead to renovations that ease caregiving. I first floor bedroom and bath with a walk-in shower large enough for a wheelchair and second person would be really useful. A ramp into the house might be needed at some point.

HollyBerry

I don't have much to offer about home choices, but as far as communities go - I am a huge fan of being close to services. That might be health care providers, outpatient clinics or hospitals of your choice (think about both of you and what future needs you both might have) but also home care support, day programs, shopping and yard work and reliable plumbers and all those things. We've lived in a medium size midwest city with all the amenities less than 10 miles away. When my mom needed transport to appointments, I had my choice of van services and could usually get an appointment with a provider on her side of town. I think of this again with my partner who has AD, because it is really, really nice to be able to get to an appointment in 30 minutes or less, door to door.

larmarj

I am thankful to all who have taken the time to respond. One of the irritating things about our situation (and most of you on this forum) is unpredictability. So, having input from others is helpful.

thanks again.