It’s all too much

Paulaw1954

I’m so over whelmed. Our son passed away from a heart attack on Fathers Day 2021. We got a puppy in Jan 2022 and now my husband has been diagnosed with mixed dementia (vascular and Alzheimer’s). I’m still grieving the loss of my son and now this as well. How will I be able to do it all? Take care of my husband, the dog, the house etc???

jfkoc

That is a lot but you are going to manage and we are here to be with you 24/7/365.

Some Days will be horrible…some manageable and some pretty goo but right is when you feel as if you have been thrown into the deep end and you do not know how to swim.

My suggestion is to go to the main Alzheimer's cite and read everything. Education is your life preserver.

ghphotog

Paulaw, I'm so sorry about your son and your husband. You'll adjust one day at a time. Try to relax and breathe. You can only do what you can do in that moment. You will be living moment to moment for awhile but you'll make it. It's hard. I know others will offer much more advice but try to get any document's,POAs, etc signed and notorized while your husband can still sign his name, even if it's not very good. Try to simplify everything in your life you can from setting up all of your bills on autopay, that is one thing you don't have to try to do. Be as frugal as you can, save as much as you can but more importantly simplify what you can.

Paulaw1954

thank you for the suggestions. I will be doing a lot of reading

M1

Welcome, this forum can help you learn to cope with this new loss. Read a lot of threads. Also if you look to the right under quick links and groups, there's one for new caregivers with a lot of useful information. Read the book called The 36 hour day.

CampCarol

Some of us are relatively new here, while others are further along this unfortunate, well-travelled path. I read the 36 Hour Day (the book M1 mentions above); it’s full of great information. We are all here for each other, please don’t hesitate to post if you need counsel. I have learned so much from this forum.

Jeanne C.

It's a lot, but we have your back. The people here are among the kindest I've ever known.Take it one thing at a time. Sending you strength.

Shelly / Texas

Paula, I am so sorry about the loss of your son. 😓. Yes, you have a lot on your plate, but you can and will do it. I'm scared to death but I am learning how strong I can be. Lean on your real life friends/family, and this online family too! We are all in this stressful situation together. Take care!

CindyBum

Welcome, Paula. I'm so sorry for all you are going through.

I'm with Jeanne….one thing at a time. It's so much, yet somehow we find our way. We're here for you.

Denise1847

Hi Paula,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I cannot imagine your pain, and then to be hit with your DH's diagnosis, is overwhelming. As for the puppy, you may find it to be a good distraction and a great deal of joy which will help to balance the sadness. I lost my sweet shizu of 14 years back in Feb. I am devastated but said I wouldn't get another dog due to the heartache. I lasted 3 weeks before I said I couldn't stand the quiet and not hearing the little paws walking through the house. I adopted a puppy mill mama of 5 years old. She was a challenge and I thought "what was I thinking?" She has brought me so much joy and balance, even with all of the extra work.

Things to do are: (1) Get a certified elder attorney to get a POA, UpToDate will and advance directives. Talk to him/her about your financial situation and how to protect your assets should your DH require expensive care. Please don't put this off - it is vital. (1) Look for information from Teepa Snow on YouTube. Attached is a description of the stages, which will help you know what to expect. Dementias progress differently. Some are rapid and others very slowly. (3) If you DH is driving, get him to stop. If he has an accident, you could lose everything. (4) Consider counseling. When I started on this journey, I was a mess and cried alot. Counseling really helped. Don't hesitate to consider meds as they do help you. (5) Some dementias cause difficult to manage behaviors. If that happens, reach out to his doctor for meds - they really tamp down the behaviors and make them manageable.

DBAT.pdf

tryingtodurvive

everyone has given you great suggestions. One thing that really helped me when my DH started going down hill was to physically get back in church. Our wonderful church family had been being helpful from sitting with him so I could work to helping me with the transition to memory care. I don’t believe I would have survived this journey without my faith.