Help

JC5

maybe a little rant here but I cannot be the only one that feels this way!! I have been doing everything I can think of to make DH happy and not to agitate him. But every night he ends up losing it and yelling at me! Ok sundowing whatever! I’m done I can’t deal anymore I can’t even be nice or understand! Help!! What do you do when you can’t do?

M1

He may need additional medication, and it may time to consider memory care. It's all hard.

sbcspin

Can you have somone stay a night or two a week (if for no more than safety sake)? Perhaps create a little 'oasis' of private space for yourself - a bedroom where you can shut the door, turn on a fan, read, snuggle under a comfy duvet?. The morning will come but a night for yourself can be of great help.

Denise1847

He isn't going to be happy because he is confused and depressed. Do what you can but you cannot really make him happy. Ask the doctor for meds to address the anger and aggression, try to get away for a break and think about how you can give yourself the respite you need. This is a horrible disease which can take both the caregiver and patient. Please put your oxygen mask on first; otherwise, you won't be able to help him.

SDianeL

you aren’t doing anything to cause it. You can’t stop it. Agitation and aggression is common. It’s the disease. It’s not him. It’s not your fault. His world is falling apart and you are his anchor. He is not reasoning. His reasoner is broken. He needs medication. Call his doctor. Get respite time for yourself or consider memory care for him. So sorry.

Iris L.

He is overstimulated by the environment. Keep his world simple and consistent, this is reassuring to him.

Iris

White Crane

What do you do when you can’t do? You breathe. Just breathe. Nice big breaths. You will get through this. Listen to what others have said. Call his doctor and ask for medication to tamp down the aggression. Ask for help from family and friends or the area agency on aging. Know that you’re not alone. We are all here to support you and help you in anyway we can. We will hold you up and send lots of prayers and virtual hugs.

Brenda

mrahope

So sorry you're dealing with this. I would highly recommend consulting the doctor(s) about medication to help as well as carving out a small space in your home for yourself. If I couldn't have retreated to my room at night I don't think I could have kept doing this for as long. YMMV

Bailey's Mom

I retreat to my own room at night too…most mornings I wake up and just hope to get through day…seems there is nothing pleasant to look forward to now. Only thing that keeps me sane is having some alone time in the evening.