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Merla

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M1

So glad to hear this. I would just bring the basics Merla. You will almost certainly be back but she may or may not. I'd keep it light for her sake.

I would call a locksmith and have the locks changed in case the boyfriend has a key.

Quilting brings calm

Just bring what she would need for an extended vacation. Maybe a photo or two if it will fit in the suitcase. You will be back.

When we had to emergency move my parents, we hired movers that had the PODS( 2 of them for apartment furnishings). We had to pay a monthly fee for POD storage after 30 days. Once we knew the AL apartment move-in date, we contacted the movers and they arranged with the movers in our town to deliver the contents of the PODS on that date. The movers set up the beds and everything.

SusanB-dil

Not sure why the passport would be an issue, as she won't be going out-of-country, and nobody else would be able to use it.

MIL's license expired, and DH chose a day she was in a decent mood and went and got state ID with her. Need that for medical or hospital appointments and sometimes at the bank.

If there is a photo or a photo album that means a lot to you and her, maybe take just that for now. And good idea on any important documents. even insurance coverage info for policy numbers.

I also agree with M1 about changing the locks, and then make sure the neighbor keeps an eye out.

hiya

remember your mum needs a valid passport or identification to get on a plane. Like M1, I would definitely change the locks. If you feel there could be any danger at all, I would ask if a police officer could accompany you to to ex boyfriends house to retrieve your mum’s passport.

harshedbuzz

@hiya

My mom's flown with an expired drivers license recently. Hell, I know a guy who forgot his license and talked his way onto a flight with his Costco and gym membership cards.

If the license is less than a year out, the TSA will accept it.

https://www.tsa.gov/travel/security-screening/identification

HB

harshedbuzz

I'd keep it light packing.

As I always tell my anxious husband "there are stores where we're going". Your brother can send anything else. PODS are great if you need to ship/set up an AL apartment-worth of things.

HB

M1

Hope she holds up okay, that is a lot. You're about to get a crash course into how she's really functioning. But very necessary.....

Quilting brings calm

a note of caution regarding the ex-boyfriend. There is a symptom called confabulation where the person with dementia gets the facts of a situation all wrong. The boyfriend may be abusive or she may have her life confused with a TV movie of the week. You should remain calm and objective when dealing with him.

harshedbuzz

@Merla

I agree with keeping it simple. If the license meets the TSA guidelines, I would grab it and go. You can register with the TSA Cares Program ahead of time to assist with curbside to gate transport alerting them to her special needs.

It's probably not wise to make this into a multi-stop family reunion however much you want to see your grandparents. I can appreciate this may be a final chance, but circumstances have taken away that option for now. Your goal is to get your mom physically under your care where you live with an immediate transfer to her new home. Stuff can come later.

I would also be wary of mom as an accurate reporter. Perhaps the boyfriend is someone who needs to be reported to APS for elderly abuse and subsequently arrested for financial abuse. Or your mom could be conflating a story she heard about or even 100% delusional. There's also a real possibility that your mom was the "abusive" one in the relationship accusing this man of all manner of horrible things he never did. I'd give 50-50 odds on the passport either being hidden by her somewhere in the house or thrown away by her. It's a common dementia-behavior; dad used to hide his drivers license to keep us for taking it away and then would forget he did this and blame us for taking it.

HB

M1

Merla I think you need to have a contingency plan if the family reunion doesn't go well. Be prepared to bail. I read a lot of wishful thinking here, and true dementia will disabuse you of that in a hurry.

H1235

Large groups can cause a lot of confusion. Add on to that the travel and the move to your place and you may find she gets very disoriented. I would keep a very close eye on her. She may wander off looking for something and get lost. I hope everything goes well.

psg712

A big extended family gathering for an aunt's 90th birthday was one of the first situations in which my mom's confusion became really apparent to me. She couldn't recognize people she'd known for 50 years, shadowed me to the point that I couldn't have a conversation, spoke and acted harshly toward my then-5 year old child, worried aloud incessantly about where and how fast I was driving, and was just generally anxious and agitated. We didn't have a diagnosis at that point so I was not the most patient or understanding. I just wished I had not brought her with me to the weekend gathering.

I agree with M1. You need an escape plan if she seems to be unraveling. Just like the kindest thing for a small child who is tired and overwhelmed is to take them out of the overstimulating situation. Even more so for a PWD.

JM27

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/220181#Comment_220181

Hi Merla,

If she doesn’t have an ID contact TSA at the airport you be flying out let them know she suffers from cognitive issues and they will let you know what they will accept in place of the ID.
also call the airline and ask for priority boarding due to cognitive issue and they will mark in the system which makes it easier thru TSA.
I just had to do this with my father he had lost his wallet right before I went out to bring him for his long long term visit.

Take some pictures enjoy your time with your LO even though it might be a stressful or sad situation. I myself sometimes forget to enjoy my time.

Good luck and safe travels

Anonymousjpl123

@Merla you’ve got everything covered but I just want to say that I am so glad you began the process before this crisis. You really did right by her. Take this one step at a time; don’t worry too much about the clothes, family reunion, etc. focus on getting her on the plane. It may be good for you to have family all together since as you mention it may be the last time this is possible. Most importantlu i do hope you will find some time for you: bath, walk, run, book, whatever it is. It is pretty critical when you are juggling this much. Keep us posted how it goes.