LO expects me to know the details of her "general" comments".

bdmarston

My mother will frequently ask for something she needs, and when when I ask for details of her request, she gets angry and says something like "I just told you" or "you should already know".

Lucy C

Ouch. It's possible that she's lost enough of her language (or reasoning skills) to have trouble in verbalizing (or thinking through) details, and when you ask for more, she becomes defensive because she can't provide it.

Here's a question: what happens when you fulfill a request according to your best guess, without asking for more details? Are you usually spot-on? Or is she still expecting you to "know" the details, and is unhappy when you don't?

bdmarston

Thanks for responding, and helping me clarify. The latter is the case. I do my best to "guess" and most frequently, it's the wrong guess. There is no way to explain and justify my action without more anger and accusations that I don't listen to her.

fmb

@bdmarston

As my DH has lost more and more of his language (ALZ & stroke), it has become harder and harder to know what he is trying to tell me. I have learned to engage him face-to-face, show with my facial expression that I am trying to figure out what he said, and if I can't get it, to tell him that I'm very sorry that I don't understand what he is trying to tell me. Putting the responsibility for the communication failure on me by apologizing is key to controlling his frustration. I think sometimes by the time he has gotten the first few words out of his mouth he has completely forgotten what he was trying to say in the first place, so he is incapable of providing better details. This also works with a couple of the other residents in DH's special needs wing of the ALF who have severe communication problems due to stroke or cerebral palsy.

M1

Welcome to the forum. We have this issue a lot too, and my partner's expressive aphasia has gotten a lot worse now in stage 6. Fortunately, this is one of the areas where her generally remarkable sense of humor is a savjng grace, she will frequently laugh about it. Maybe trying to stay lighthearted about it would help. If she knows I'm doing my best to figure it out, she can usually let it go. But I have to say, this is one of the things that has gotten easier with progression, because she's trying to do less and is therefore less frustrated in general.

bdmarston

bdmarston

Thank you all