Afraid to use the toilet

tigersmom

Hello, fellow travelers. Today was day 17 of DH’s hospital stay, and I am weary to the bone. I am spending 10-11 hours there a day because he is so lost. Yesterday and today, a new issue popped up: he is afraid to use the toilet. He will use it successfully all morning, fall asleep, then wake up afraid to use it. We make 20 trips to the bathroom and each time he refuses to urinate. Of course, then accidents happen and he is embarrassed. Anyone have any advice? He is generally scared of the hospital. When I ask him what he’s afraid of, he says “everything.” He pretty much stopped eating 10 days ago. Anyone else experience this particular fear, either in the hospital or out?

SDianeL

So sorry. it might not be fear. He may have forgotten how to use the bathroom. His muscle memory may be gone. He may have forgotten how to feed himself. What stage is he in? What do the doctors say?

Nowhere

My husband is no longer sitting on the toilet, which has made business messier. I thought maybe he had forgot how, but today I saw him flush the toilet by picking up his paper cup dispenser on the sink and pressing it down on the toilet handle. It dawned on me that he’s not sitting on the toilet seat because he doesn’t recognize it’s his private bathroom, he must think it is a public one? He’s been a germ-a-phob since he was in grade school. The good news is that with this new feat of standing for 1s and 2s, I switched him into disposable briefs, and he didn’t even notice the difference from his old underwear. 😅

Check for a UTI since he’s not been eating? Is he drinking enough liquids?

tigersmom

@SDianeL , I pegged him at stage 6 on the Cummings scale and 6c on the Reisberg, but that was before he entered the hospital. The weird thing about it is that it is so intermittent. Half the time he does everything fine, then he wakes up from a nap and it's like a switch flipped into "I'm scared." Such a mystery. @Nowhere, no UTI. He has been tested twice. They test for everything in this hospital.

Quilting brings calm

My son has explained my mom as every nap means it’s a brand new day. She will seem ok to him when he is visiting until she takes a nap.

I suggest switching him to depends. That way he is at least prepared if accidents happen. I can’t believe the hospital hadn’t done this already.

Jeanne C.

Disposable briefs for the win 😉

This is our new normal. I have him pull-ups 24/7 because, while he occasionally will use the toilet, he is usually resistant and fearful. It's a difficult change.

midge333

@tigersmom:

Kind of off topic but if he has not eaten in 10 days, do you need a hospice evaluation for your DH?

Joe C.

For my DW the hospital is a terrifying place. She when from MC to the hospital and spent a few days there last summer. Once in the hospital she went from being fully mobile to unable to walk overnight. I was shocked a how quickly this happened, it would take 2 aides to get her from the bed to the bathroom about 10 feet away. When she was released I decided to transport her back to the MC because I thought an ambulance ride would be to traumatic for her. An aide help me get her into my car and I informed the MC staff that they would need to meet us with a wheelchair because DW was not walking. They met me at the front entrance, got DW into the wheelchair and took her inside while I parked the car. When I walked back into the MC, DW was out of the wheelchair and walking around unassisted. My only explanation is that the hospital was so terrifying for her she could not focus enough to walk but once home at the MC she immediately reverted to her previous baseline.