How to pay for AL

H1235

Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia 1 and a half years ago. She has been in AL about 6 months. She has enough money now to pay for 1 more year. We have been to the lawyer and I have DPOA, she made a will, a living will, a medical POA and a ladybird deed (at her death the house goes to my brother and I and there can be no Medicaid estate recovery. She should qualify for the Medicaid waiver when her money is down to $2,000. I was told I can’t apply until she is very close to the $2,000 asset requirement. I will have to cash in a small life insurance policy for much less than the death benefit. Between the waiver, pension and SS she will probably still not be able to cover the cost of AL. AL said they may be able to write some of the cost off, but would have to wait and see. My brother and I would be responsible for the balance along with any cost involved in keeping her house( property tax etc.). Depending on how long she lives we could be paying more money trying to protect our inheritance than what the house is worth. My brother is extremely worried about his inheritance. If my brother gets laid off or looses his job I’m not sure I can cover it all( I’m retired). If the house were sold then all the money would go to her care and my brother and I would not recoup any money since I believe any repayment would be considered a gift. It’s possible (probably not likely) AL would write it all off and she would owe nothing. If we apply for Medicaid and then decide we can’t afford to pay the difference out of pocket we could either move her to a different facility that accepts waiver as full payment or sell the house to cover her care. If we decide to sell the house to cover the cost of care we will have very little time. The house is full (working on an estate sale now) and needs lots of repairs(Im on my own there) . A house doesn’t just sell overnight. The house would only cover care for another 2 years(depending on the level of care she needs). How do I pay the next months AL bill if I can’t sell the house in time? Again this is all last minute because we can’t apply for Medicaid until she is close to qualifying and we will have to wait for AL to make a decision. If we end up selling the house and not accepting the waiver we will have cashed in the life insurance for nothing. We live in a rural community so our AL options are limited. The one she is at is one of the nicer ones and we still haven’t been impressed with the quality of care. We may be able to find an AL that would accept the waiver as payment in full, but I’m concerned about the care. We would also have to move her and find a new doctor (she uses the facility doctor). We could just sell the house up front without even applying for the waiver, but AL may have been willing to write it all off and we would be selling the house for nothing. How can I wait til, what seems like the last minute, to make these important a decisions? To make things worse my brothers take on it is well let’s just cross that bridge when we come to it.🙄 Why does this have to be so complicated?

NizhoniGrrl

This sounds complicated and stressful. I would do everything to avoid cashing a life insurance policy. That is for you and the protection of your family. Can either you or your brother move into the house to save expenses that can be applied to her care? It sounds like you have about a year to figure this out. I’d prioritize cleaning out the house. You have time.

M1

I know it's hard to give up hopes for an jnheritance, but honestly, my take is that any assets she has including the house need to be used for her care.

H1235

I have been told by AL she will not need to move and she can age in place. But from what I can see they don’t have the staff with the experience to do that. There is a MC facility under the same name that I believe we could transfer her to. All funeral expenses have been paid with a trust. She is a hoarder so the house is full. I spent a month just clearing a path to the water heater so it could be replaced. It is also very run down. I was just going to spend the night at her house during the estate sale, but discovered her shower is not working. My brother has said he is going to fix it for 2 weeks now. I don’t know if I can empty it in a year let alone fix everything up to rent it out or even sell it. I don’t want to be a landlord and my brother would be no help. I don’t think it would bring in enough money anyway. For the estate sale we are having in a week my brother has not put a single thing on a table. He comes over pretends to work, or just works in the garage( mom told him he can just have everything in the garage) but really does nothing. He tells me he is worried about me because I’m so stressed🙄. I’m 1 hour drive from her house. I can do it, but it’s a lot of driving and long days( I tend to work at the house all day a couple of days a week). At home we have family member with mental health issues ( my husband spends a lot of time with this) and we are trying to put an addition on our house. Retirement will never be what we had planned. I love math and try to look at things in a logical way. The problem is there are just to many variables. I think keeping the house in hopes of an inheritance is a gamble that is probably just not worth it. I know I have DPOA and don’t need my brothers ok, but mom is already mad at me for sending her to AL I don’t need my brother telling mom I’m selling her house and getting rid of all her things and just causing problems because he is angry with me. Mom of course would not want the house sold, so if he tells her that’s what I’m doing because he is mad at me I would have a whole new bunch of trouble.

M1

Hate to say it, but as DPOA you have the right to have your brother not visit her; however, I realize that may be unrealistic. You did such a heroic job getting this move to happen.

Quilting brings calm

there are people who will clean out hoarders homes. Look them up. See what the fee is and what you would recoup from anything they sell out if it

sell the house as is once that’s done. Sell it for the ‘right price’ and it should go quickly in this market even with being rural and a fixer upper.

You say you and your brother are going to make up the difference in the cost of her care. Unless she dies quickly that cost will be more than what you get selling the house later. Just sell it, put the money in an account to use to pay her bills. You and your brother can split what’s left over, if any, when she dies. It’s what should have been done instead of deeding it to you.

We’ve already told our son. We don’t want you to use your money on our care-.thats what OUR money is for.

Whyzit2

It is my understanding that your Mother will not be able to receive Medicaid until she needs nursing care. Medicaid doesn’t pay for memory care and/or assisted living.

Victoriaredux

After you get the clean up people estimate — be warned - where I am it is * thousands * then consider hiring your brother to do it . To be paid out of sale proceeds. If you don't see action or valuable stuff that could have been sold is missing — then fire him . Check with lawyer but if he takes the garage stuff - that's gifting right?

The last thing anyone wants is for you or your immediate family to be harmed by you getting sick or burned out having to clean up your Mom's mess.

I'd get an estimate from a professional conservator and tell your brother if he isn't helpful and drags this out - you'll, as DPOA, hire one to manage the process - so him helping with the estate sale and NOT telling Mom anything is to HIS financial advantage. Play ball bro' or stay home. Seems it's either his personality or he's trying to run the clock to maximize his inheritance. If he wants to maximize any chance of money he needs to see dithering is coming right out of his pocket.

Please don't risk your health on this , can't put a value on that.

H1235

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/221255#Comment_221255

My brother is ignorant about dementia, the finances, and is very lazy, but I know he loves our mom. Mom is angry with me and my brother is the one she gravitates to. I can’t stand in the way of that it wouldn’t be right.

housefinch

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh—-I think having any inheritance as an adult’s financial plan is foolhardy. Your brother needs to support himself or talk to his local human services office about if he has qualifying conditions for support. Period. End.

H1235

Many years ago before dementia and even the hoarding mom asked me to never let strangers go through her things. I had no idea what I was promising. Even now if I were to bring her something from her house I thought she might like to have she would be very mad that I was “snooping around in her personal things”. While there is a lot of junk there are also family heirlooms. I found my grandmas papers from the late 1800s when she came to America on a boat. It was mixed in with junk. I can’t trust someone else to sort through those things. The deed was done thinking of nursing home care which would be covered by Medicaid. But with dementia she is not ready for a nursing home. We did not go to an elder law attorney big mistake, in fact she wasn’t even a good regular attorney. I think you are all probably right. The house just needs to be sold. Hopefully I can get my brother to accept that. I have found it usually takes him a bit. He has it in his head that because mom and dad paid taxes for years the government owe her🙄. Meanwhile I’ll keep working on the house.

H1235

I don’t think inheritance is his financial plan. Mom and dad always talked about leaving things to us when they were gone. That is what mom and dad expected. I think our parents actually put this idea in his head. They were not wealthy. Had mom passed living in her home we would have inherited something. But with dementia that’s just not realistic. I read somewhere on here that there is no such thing as an inheritance when your LO has dementia. I get that, I hope my brother can figure it out soon.

Iris L.

Think about this: there are many internet articles and videos to the point that the younger generation doesn't want the older generation's stuff! You can Google and see for yourself. If there is something specific in mind that you want from your mom or your grandmother's things, go and get it now. I'm thinking jewelry or real antique furniture. If it's not that, it will all be considered junk and you will have to pay someone to haul all that stuff away. There are many posts about this on these message boards. Do you and brother have children that you want to pass sentimental letters and papers to? Ask them if they would like them. Then proceed.

Iris