new pcp

SusanB-dil

Took MIL to her new-ish PCP yesterday. Definitely going to look for someone else. This was her second time with this one, as her usual one that we liked left the practice, and now we know for sure this new one doesn't have experience with a PWD.

What PCP said: 'you know you need to bathe, change clothing and underwear (adult underwear), and eat properly. You don't want to be getting sick or anything. You know they (myself & DH) are with you for your safety because they care.'

What MIL said: 'yeah'

What we know MIL heard: 'waahhbb blah blah mmwwwoooo whaaa. Blah blah muuuhhh.' Like the Charlie Brown movies where the adults sound like mwwhaaahh mwwhaaa… yeah. that.

ESkayP

I'm alarmed how few PCPs understand how AD works. Once we got Mom's blood pressure stabilized, the current PCP finally got beyond all the suggestions for cognitive tests and preventative exams and came around to the "keeping her comfortable and vaccinated" discussion.

Also, my mother has a similar "yeah" response only hers is "mmm-Hmm" with a distinctive, stressed second syllable and lilt upward for emphasis. It's then that I know she's lying or uncommitted.

Me: Mom, do you wear these new shoes I bought you?

Mom (eyebrows up): mmm-Hmm

Me: Mom, did you eat anything besides cookies today?

Mom: mmm-Hmm

Granted, she probably can't remember what she ate today, let alone what she wore yesterday. It's just through trial and error that I'm learning how to interact with Mom in productive or at least agreeable ways. I did expect more from PCPs, though! Sometimes it seems that Mom's PCP just read an article and wants to try out what she read on us. I should appreciate her doing her homework, I guess. I only wish there were more gerontologists or elder care specialists out there.

Anonymousjpl123

Many - but not all - PCPs are shockingly ill-equipped to deal with PWD. It is so very frustrating. I had to have a serious heart to heart with moms pcp, who eventually was very helpful. Now she is with the MC doctor.

I hope you find someone more experiened. Or at least willing to listen. One thing i learned from this is how important it is to directly communicate with doctors. of course many are not open to that, but some are.

Quilting brings calm

it’s possible that the PCP does have experience with PWD. There’s nothing he can say to her that she’s going to remember. There’s nothing he can do about the fact that she can’t or won’t do these things. All he can do is remind her. Which he did and gave her a gentle reminder that you are only trying to help her

M1

Eskay, it’s a lesson to learn not to ask questions to which the answers won’t mean anything. She’s not going to remember what she ate or that you bought her any shoes, new or not. Unfortunately it’s incumbent on you to find different ways of communicating, but “yes or no” questions are out the window because she doesn’t know and you can’t verify. It’s hard.

psg712

That's why it drives me bonkers to hear friends or family asking my mom questions like that. Then they take her noncommittal responses as proof that there is still a normally functioning mind in there. It's maddening, but I try to let it go. Whatever makes them happy. I do understand that it's tough to find meaningful ways to converse with mom.

Love that Charlie Brown's teacher example! I'll have to remember that when I make the mistake of overexplaining something to her. Because I forget sometimes too that her capacity is so limited.

SusanB-dil

Thank you -

yes, her other PCP just was a lot more understanding of the situation, over-all. This one still treated her with respect, but treated MIL just very matter-of-fact, asking questions there was no way she could understand.

VickiZ

My mom can't remember even a second anymore but she a bluff her way through a dr appt like nobody's business. She's quick with a joke and can answer questions without answering and then the doc looks to me for some real answers. But then they do nothing, offer nothing. I know not much can be done but I would love to be a fly on the wall if I sent her in to see the doctor without anyone with her to do the talking.

H1235

I just took mom to the sleep dr for a once a year checkup. I pointed out that she has dementia. The dr actually spent 15 min going over her sleep charts and then explained how to take her cpap off the automatic default settings and change things. Grrrr. Mom had more sense than the doctor and said I don’t think I should do that I’ll mess something up. I figure we are lucky she is still using it and can fill it with water.

SusanB-dil

We had gone to another doc maybe 8 months ago for a different issue. That doc said 'OK, I've looked at her charts and history and this is what we can do...' Then started talking to her about some medical issues, to which she was replying her 'yeah'... 'yeah'… He finally looked at us and asked 'she has dementia?' I replied 'yes, two kinds.' And I soooo wanted to scream "YOU SAID YOU READ HER CHARTS!!"