Shower

richgill65

I have tried everything I can think of to get my wife to take a shower, she is uncomfortable with me in there with her, she instantly forgets why she is in there, I've tried a nurses aid too any ideas 🤔

M1

Welcome to the forum rich. This is such a common problem and a really tough one. My partner has been in memory care for over two years, is now on hospice, and still will not let anyone but me help her clean up or change clothes. I manage it about once a week to ten days. She is still mostly continent, which helps, and I have her in Depends, which I change as often as I can (currently I visit daily, as she is declining pretty fast). This will all get a lot harder when/if incontinence really sets in. A lot of people here swear by bidets.

I think Teepa Snow has a video about bathing ( she has lots of good videos, you can Google). Many make do with just sponge baths and wipes. Getting the bathroom really warm and steamy may help, and bathing with her may help if you've got a shower that will accommodate two. Our memory care gave us a towel warmer, which has been a blessing. If you think about it, showering is a multistage process with sensory overload that just becomes overwhelming.

There are lots of old discussions on this topic, you may want to search through to see if you pick up other hints. Wish i had an easier answer.

SDianeL

sadly nothing will help her remember why she is in the shower. You will either have to shower with her and wash her or use wipes to bathe her without her showering.

Nowhere

My husband refuses showers from anyone but me. I deduce it’s because he’s paranoid -worried about his wallet and his belongings, as well as feeling vulnerable. Also, he gets cold so easily and let’s be honest, it’s exhaustive work for him mentally and increasingly physically.?

Knowing he’s not keen to taking showers, I say with a big smile, “It’s shower day, I’ve had mine and it’s your turn”. Or, “It’s clean sheet night! Go ahead and take your clothes off while I get the bathroom warmed up”. Often he’ll stop before getting started asking, “What am I doing again”? Lots of prompts and reminders. And smiles. I know he’s worries about his wallet, so when he removes his old pants and his wallet is out of his pocket and in his hand, I hold up a clean pair of sleep pants and say go ahead and slip yoyr wallet in this pocket so it will be safe while you shower. I start the water warming and leave him to use the toilet, often he just gets in the shower himself afterwards, so I tell him that when he’s done washing up, let me know, and I’ll wash his hair. I give him his privacy behind the curtain for a short while before inquiring if he’s done. I’m hoping he’s feeling warm and it’s a positive experience. I’ve purchased a shower chair for him with a hole in the seat because he no longer really gets himself clean. So, after he is done “showering”, I ask him to sit down so I can more easily wash his hair; he’s always does and afterwards, I give him a quick soaping up from head to toe, and rinsing while he’s seated. Playing his favorite music keeps him more relaxed, too. His new facility has a sun lamp which is wonderful! He is showered approximately two to three times per week. I imagine once he becomes incontinent it will become daily?!?

The secret to getting him to shower, is lots of positive vibes, addressing his fears proactively, and making the environment warm and cozy.

Good luck!