Early incontinence question

jscott

I would appreciate a little counsel. My DW with is still pretty self sufficient. She was diagnosed about a three years ago. She has had just three accidents over the past few months. She also has anosognosia and doesn't have a clue why she's had the urinary accidents. Each time she's had an episode it was when we were traveling to spend time with family. We have another trip planned and I'm concerned that she may have an accident while we are on a tour or bus ride. How do I get her to wear protective incontinence underwear while we travel so as to save any embarrassment? So far it's been rare but I want to be prepared and don't know how to gently and respectfully get her to wear them when she isn't aware she has any problems and doesn't remember the episodes she has already had. Thanks for any advise.

M1

Welcome to the forum. I guess the choices are that you don't go, or that you pack only Depends for the trip and don't give her another choice of underwear. This is not easy--my partner is at this incontinence stage also and although she's in memory care, it's still an issue, she doesn't like how the Depends feel and will take them off. I put a clean pair on her yesterday, but today when i got there she had taken them off and her sheets were soaked. But we still have most days when she's completely dry and no accidents.

You might try making the switch to Depends only at home now, so that she's used to it before the trip. But be prepared for pushback. you really will have to remove all other underwear.

Tmkg176

I'm not sure if these will work, but have you looked at Knix Ultra absorbancy underwear? They look exactly like regular underwear.

https://knix.com/category/all-underwear

harshedbuzz

@Tmkg176

Thinx are intended for mild stress incontinence. A leak when you sneeze or workout. They only hold 4Tbs of fluid per their website. They're also $$$ at about $40 pair and need to be washed and dried which might be a challenge on some trips.

jscott— It makes sense that your wife has had these few incidents while traveling. Many PWD seem to dip a toe into the next stage when removed from their home and usual routines. Managing this risk without control of the daily schedule as on a tour or bus trip will be difficult. If you can't get it under control, please make sure you carry a change of clothing (including shoes, a plastic bag for wet clothes and some wipes for cleanup) in your day bag on each outing.

I can appreciate wanting to be respectful and kind, but with her anosognosia a more pragmatic approach may be needed if you want to make a switch ahead of the trip. Some folks have success with removing/replacing regular undies with Depends. It's typically best to start with the pull-up style in the prettiest version available. Mom did this with dad; he complained but wore them when she said all his others were in the wash. My aunt introduced them to her sister as work-saving disposable panties that one just throws away instead of washing.

HB

M1

I made the switch after a fall significantly slowed my partner's reaction time, told her these were padded to prevent an accident on the way to the toilet. She didn't question it….but doesn't like them, would rather "go commando" than wear them. It's going to be a challenge to keep them on her, already is.

jscott

Thank you,

I think I'll try the travel disposable panties route first. I will also make sure to carry a change of clothing in my backpack.

Crkddy

My DW is now fully incontinent. About 1 year ago she started having urinary "accidents". I just starting putting pull-ups on her and told her she had to start wearing them because of the accidents. She complained the first few times but got used to them fairly quickly. I recommend just going ahead with using them. From my experience, she will soon forget about them.

Zeus2222

My hubby is in a constant loop at night feeling the urge to pee but doesn’t..we have ruled out UTI and doctor suggests behavioral..but no leaks yet..is this a problem anyone has experienced

sbcspin

Is your husband taking memantine or any other new medications? My husband had a really tough time with one month on memantine - constantly had to pee but couldn't. We did a UTI test and a bladder ultrasound - both negative. He's been fine (in that department) since he stopped taking it. New meds can have a lot of side effects at this stage.

Zeus2222

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/223260#Comment_223260

no ..just colozepam and olanzapine at night..but all tests were negative. I’m guessing Behavioural..if what doc thru it’s cause medically no,issues..I read about the incontinence and the brain affecting the waves of urges etc..just wanted to know if anyone has this experience w spouse

Joe C.

When DW had first started having accidents we were still traveling a good amount and she refused to wear pull-ups. I stated making more frequent bathroom stops while traveling and insisting she use the bathroom before leaving anywhere. I would not ask her if she needed to use the bathroom, I would just get her to a bathroom and tell her she needed to use it because we would not be able to stop again for several hours. When I was religious about the approach it kept the accidents at bay. Eventually this approach did not work but it brought me some time until I could get her to wear pull-ups.

ABriggs

I am new to this forum and all of your comments are bringing tears to my eyes because I can relate to all of the struggles, problem-solving, feeling overwhelmed and unsure. My mom is now incontinent and are using Amazon's Basics Maximum Absorbency Protective underwear. The accidents are definitely fewer but I am noticing two things: First, she seems to be struggling with them as I find the briefs shredded and/or she tries to modify them. Secondly, I am afraid that she is hiding the used ones though I cannot find them in all of the areas of the house - bedroom, bathrooms, kitchen, living room. Would tabs be better? I am not sure how she will respond. She does not like talking about her bathroom experiences so I am getting few words and little guidance from her as to what works best for her. At this moment, I am minimally helping - only when there are accidents as she is fairly sufficient. Any recommendations on products that might be more suitable?