Ideas for Social Interactions and Activies?

murpc76

I’m wondering how some of you provide socialing opportunities and activities for your LO? Prior to diagnosis, our lives in a small town revolved around food and drink: dinners out, bbq’s, etc. Now these activities are too much for DH, though he still wants to do them. He’s been a craft beer aficionado for a very long time. It’s tough on me because I have to be the “bad guy” who monitors this when we see friends. Long drives are also tough because he accepts he cannot do the driving but he’s still aware enough to know that he hates not being the driver.

Any of you in small towns that have found some solutions? Thanks in advance.

M1

welcome to the forum murpc76. I'm not in a small town, but a rural area where even the grocery store is 15 miles away and the city is 30 miles away. It's hard when their world starts to shrink, as it inevitably does. My partner withdrew from a very busy professional and social life, and social activities of any sort got to be more than she could handle when she was about stage 4. Now granted, we are both introverts, so most of our socializing was in very small groups anyway. But even dinners with friends or family got to be too much, and she wouldn't remember them the very next day anyway. And we didn't have the alcohol issue—I take it you mean that you have to watch his intake?

I would count yourself lucky if you have a few close friends you can stay in touch with—we have one couple and two single friends who still visit my partner occasionally (she's been in memory care for over two years). But I would have a discussion with the friends privately about the alcohol, and maybe see if you can talk them into some alcohol-free occasions—maybe a lunch date, for instance, or Saturday morning coffee, where beer wouldn't be the order of the day.

None of this is easy. One thing that may help is that he may become naturally less interested in engaging with time, and it's perfectly okay to just let him be. You don't have to be the social director as well as the caretaker, it's almost impossible after a while. Are there any day programs close to you? I could never get my partner to anything like that (again, a real loner and introvert) but they work for some people.

Nowhere

My husband was never a puzzler or a colorer, but he does both now, and he’s quite good at both. He grows quieter with time, but still will work at the above. The puzzles we like are:

https://a.co/d/2Dkckih

Does your community have programs for seniors? We attend county senior center for chair yoga and lunch once a week, and they also bring in musicians. Many of the attendee’s spouses are in his same boat.

Wishing you connection with others who are understanding and kind.

murpc76

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/221715#Comment_221715

Thank you for pointing out how you can’t be both a social director and caretaker as I’ve struggled with this lately.

annie51

This is a struggle for me also. We were really into pickleball and going to the gym but he won’t do those anymore. He still likes to ice skate and we started going bowling. Those are things we can do individually but there are other people around (he likes to talk to everyone). I wish I could think of more activities like this. We still occasionally have dinner with friends and some have come bowling with us, but he always wants them to come over afterwards. Then he proceeds to go through a ritual of things to show them, assuming they’ve never been over before. They’re usually patient but you know how it is! I think some kind of day program would be good for socialization. I’d like to find one where there are other people in the same situation, as Nowhere mentioned, because jigsaw puzzles can only fill so much time in a day!

M5M

DH is an introvert and doesn’t like big groups, plus he has very limited vision so there is a lot that he can’t do. What does help is to go somewhere as often as possible….and it can be the mall or grocery or the plant store. He enjoys going to 7-11 for coffee ( other regions it might be WaWa or Tim Hortons or ZippyJ’s)…. These are typically less crowded than Starbucks and definitely less expensive. Sometimes I read to him since he can’t see anymore, he enjoys that a lot.

M1

M5M would he listen to books on tape? Could he follow it?

howhale

We are heading into year 8 since my wife's diagnosis of MCI. Last rough assessment of her stage now would be Stage 6 somewhere. I am her primary caregiver but have caregivers who cover 4 hours per day 6 days a week for companionship. The wife loves their visits and they are good at keeping her safe while allowing her to do things she wants. Unfortunately those things are sorting clothes, decorations around the house, her jewelry, dishware, etc., etc. After about 3 hours or so, she begins to tire and they have found the last hour most challenging to keep her engaged. Nevertheless, she seems to enjoy the visits of her "friends". I cover the remainder of the 24 hours each day. She becomes angry when I return at their departure time as if I am interrupting her time with a friend. That anger can continue a while. I have tried puzzles, coloring, reading, audiobooks, music, bead bracelet or necklace making, etc. with no success. Similarly, the caregivers try as well without success. So, when I am home with her she is "bored" and frustrated and her anger is displayed. I tried taking her out to eat and she refuses now at all. I tried television but she thinks the people are real and talking to her or accusing her of things. I tried just taking a drive but she quickly insisted we return home and now just refuses to go. I am at a loss as to how to satisfy her "boredom" with me. Needless to say, I am tired and I know it shows. She gets up at night to walk the house and make frequent trips to the bathroom, many for no cause. She has syncope and I cannot sleep if she is up for fear she will faint and hurt herself. I am looking for any suggestions on how to manage the time with her, absent the caregivers, to help. Friends have withdrawn pretty much and, while she is social, it is often to a fault as she engages strangers or rambles about nonsense endlessly. Thanks for any suggestions.

Iris L.

Raking leaves?

M1

Have you thought about memory care? Maybe she would be happier? Is it financially feasible?

The other question that comes to mind is medication for sleep so that she's not up at night? An atypical antipsychotic might help on multiple fronts.

M5M

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/221891#Comment_221891

good idea, but he usually falls asleep after just a short time! And he can’t follow much in the way of story lines. But he does fairly well with history shows, or factual things, so that’s what I try to find for him.