Asking when to go home continuously today

JM27

Hello all,

So everyday/week it’s something new to loop over. Apparently today my Lap is aware we are in the beginning of the month based off of something he read in the paper.
This has set him on looping of needing to know his bills are paid and there is enough money in his accounts.
He still has a whole house that will get back to eventually and have it sold. He is stating he has been here over a month and needs to get back home.
I try to redirect I’ve even explained yes we started a new month but you. Haven’t been here a month.
He insistent on that he has been here a really long time.

I am still looking into facilities and the good ones are a month to 90 day wait if there is an opening. I’m still not set on having to deal with that yet. I feel like that a whole other battle because he is not even understanding being here let alone why would I leave him at a facility.

He seems so smart and yet can be so out of it at times.

There has to be an easier way to do this.

M1

Here's wishing there were. I would avoid trying to correct him or engage at all about the length of time. It's hard not to respond, but would a response like "I'm just still so glad to have you here" work? Unfortunately a lot of the good places have waiting lists and the quicker you can get him listed the sooner this will be behind you. Im on a kick this week of how important the controlled environment of MC is and that's what will ultimately help him.

nothing to do differently except listen to the repetition. Maybe avoiding the news and the newspapers would help?

JM27

Hi M1,

I will try the “I’m just so glad to have you here.”
The thing with the newspaper is he loves to read and at breakfast has the paper. We don’t get a daily paper so it maybe from a few days ago or one he’s read earlier in the week. But I’ll try removing the paper. If he doesn’t have the paper he then looks at the calendar on his phone although he will ask several times what day it is or what month we are in. He also calls his sister who he thinks is checking on his house and she is not completely on board as she feels bad lying to him. So not quite sure if she isn’t putting things in his head.

I do think for the most part he knows it’s been awhile.

M1

It gets dicey and is a hard call when to start limiting the phones, the newspapers, etc. But ultimately, these are in fact parts of the outside world that he can no longer negotiate. Too bad his sister is not on board because that puts you in the awkward position of maybe having to police her contact, too. I'm sorry it's so difficult.

You may want to be thinking ahead about things like whether he should have a phone in MC. Only three out of 45 residents at our facility have one. And i started limiting the TV news etc. long before my partner went to MC, it was too upsetting for her so we just stopped our nightly habit and honestly i don't miss it. Ditto with issues like internet access, i hope his phone is not a smart phone. My partner computer access went by the by when i came home to find her on the phone with a "Microsoft" scammer giving remote access to her hard drive. But this was no great loss to her because she was never that tech savvy anyway.

JM27

Yes I have already started limiting certain types of movies as well as the news.

He does have a smart phone and I turned off the internet on it as he was trying to find the number to his mortgage company and bank.

I tried to also turn off the calendar but no luck with that. I think that may get him going at times.

This is really hard for me. I’m working but dreading having to deal with it today and days to come. I know that sounds awful.

M1

Hmm I've never tried to delete a calendar either, but there are some suggestions on Google? He's probably to the point of not needing a device at all, but taking them away is hard especially for those used to them. It may have to strategically disappear at some point- but i know you have to pick your battles.

JM27

Yes I would agree he shouldn’t have the device anymore. So so true I have to pick my battles.

Thank you for the ideas and support. Greatly appreciated.