The trap we get into

Whyzit2

DH has been waking me up several times a night. I hit my limit at 7. So when he went back to sleep Sunday morning I decided no more sleeping during the day when he kept me up all night and told him so. I told him to get up as we were going to church.He told me to go without him. I said no and I was going to be very noisy. I started singing every hymn I could think of. If I couldn’t think of the words I hummed. I was as spiritually loud as I could be. I even cleaned the doors on the kitchen cabinets all the while singing or humming. Eventually he gave up and got up.

His urologist had said no caffeine or carbonation as they contribute to incontinence. What a trap I had bought into with that advice. He goes through $75 worth of the “good underwear” a month anyway. So what difference did that make?
I asked if he would like to go to Dunkin and get a Boston cream and coffee. He immediately got dressed and we headed to Dunkin.

My plan: fill him with caffeine and keep him awake all day. I was so tired but kept going. We put a lot of miles on the car and went to McDonalds twice….needed to get coke to drink, needed that caffeine! Before bed that night I gave him a cup of Sleepy Time Tea and a couple of sugar free cookies hoping he would sleep. He only awakened me once that night. It is now four days later and I have been successful in keeping him up all day and he didn’t wake me at all last night. God bless caffeine and Sleepy Time Tea.
Oh and the “good underwear” too.

M1

Good for you! Sounds like loads of effort though on your part. I agree that a lot of "standard advice" about no caffeine etc. is BS when it comes to dementia. The dementia is going to make him incontinent regardless, and the contribution of caffeine is probably minimal. I swear these people have no practical experience as caregivers when they make these pronouncements.

have you thought about medication to help him sleep through the night? I just worry that you can't keep this up forever. I guess my point being that you may just be going from one trap to another.

howhale

The opening few sentences of this thread by Whizit2 caught my eye. My wife is likely Stage 6 with the quick flip flops of anger to devotion. When she is in that anger mode, it is like a completely different human being present. We have been at this going into year 8 and her condition seems to be advancing more quickly. What struck me in the open comments was that sense of "getting back" or "payback" for the behaviors which so upset us. I don't mean that to be at all accusatory or blaming. Just the opposite in that I am now finding myself falling prey to those reactions more easily. While I know that person behaving toward me that way is not my wife any longer, it has gone on so long and I am so tired, that I want to return the favor to that terrible person. I did not do this as easily a year ago. I could take a breath and manage my response. I find that more difficult now. It does not change anything except that afterwards I feel like such a terrible person to have reacted to my wife that way. The regret I feel is massive. I hate myself for my response or reaction. It gets worse when she usually returns just minutes later to find me distraught and upset and comes with anguish on her face and concern for why do I feel bad and tries to comfort me. I am meeting with my PCP in a few days to discuss my issue. It is my issue, not hers. Hers is Alzheimer Dementia which she can do nothing about nor did anything to deserve. I have to find a way to better manage my responses and reactions to that "other evil" person who has stolen my wife from me.

Whyzit2

M1 Thank you for your response. I always appreciate your input and encouragement.

Howhale I appreciate your comments too and yes I was snippy to my DH. I needed to do something different because I knew I couldn’t keep going without sleep. As we have read in other entries “The Calvary is not coming.” We are on our own. We have been on this journey for 14 years. I don’t feel guilty about my behavior as I have shown unbelievable patience and understanding over all these years. My solution though drastic by “good caregiver standards” you know always sweet loving and patient oh smile too, worked at that point in time and I am grateful for however long it lasts. Being realistic I realize everything could change tomorrow. But in the meantime I got some sleep and it is wonderful!&

A friend of mine asked me how long before DH gets placed because she has witnessed how worn out I am. My pcp recommended respite. Wonderful idea if if if one has the finances to do it, unfortunately we don’t. DH is too healthy for Medicaid paid long term care at this point. All I wanted was some quality sleep. When sleepy time tea no longer works we will see his psychiatrist for meds as recommended by M1. Again, thanks for the input and understanding as we overcame one disastrous day.🙏❤️

Dio

Whyzit2, you may consider Melatonin 5mg or 10mg when sleepy time tea no longer works. It doesn't require a doctor's prescription, but still a good idea to consult with his psychiatrist first.

jeannieco

Thank you for the suggestions! My DH is getting up during the night and I am becoming sleep deprived. I will get the tea and/or try the melatonin.