Buying things

ericarose08

My Dad still lives at home with my Mom, he had a stroke 9 years ago and developed dementia pretty quickly. We are in the process of getting him in a long term care facility because my Mom can no longer care for him. We need help though, he still has a golf cart and he goes for the store everyday and they let him get stuff without paying for it and then they call my Mom telling her he didn’t pay. How do we prevent this from happening? Take the keys? Tell the store not to let him get anything? We feel like every day it gets worse and he does not handle us discussing the problems with him well at all. Which I know is a part of it but help…

elainechem

You could start with disabling the golf cart. What would happen if the store called the police instead of Mom?

My late husband had EOAD. He had a propensity to elope. So, I changed all the deadbolts out with double keyed deadbolts. You needed a key to get out and he didn't have the key. I don't know how your dad would react to that, but it worked for me.

elainechem

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/222286#Comment_222286

Against code? This is my house. I didn't ask the city for permission to change out the locks on my doors. All the locks were keyed the same. I always had a key with me. I kept it on the bedside table at night. I did what I had to keep my husband safe. I judged that the danger from fire was outweighed by the danger of him escaping from me. He once got out of the backyard by lifting the chain link gate off the hinges. I didn't feel that an out of view hinge lock would have kept him safe. I was able to keep him home with me the entire time and I have never second guessed any of my decisions.

Lucy C

Erica: The store probably doesn't want to have any violent confrontations with your dad (which would be bad for them and him), and they're being kind enough not to have the police arrest him, because they know he's not "all there." What they're telling you without saying so, is that they would like you to put a stop to the problem. They don't want to take more stringent action if they can help it.

Definitely consider disabling the golf cart. Hopefully it's too far for him to walk. As far as the rest of the situation goes— You could install double deadbolts. It might work, or you might have a tiger by the tail. I've used them before: I would again, but in neither case was the PWD combative or aggressive—just prone to wandering. Note that if you aren't there, he could intimidate your mom into giving him the keys.

I'm not a fan of slide locks. One installed very high or low on a door might not be noticed—or, it might. I wouldn't like to risk my LO's safety on the assumption that he/she won't notice the lock and open it. PWD's can be weirdly creative in ways you don't expect, and they sometimes notice things you really wish they'd overlook.

The only other thing I can suggest is having a chat with the store manager, and asking for time/patience. Explain that you are working on getting him into a facility, and promise to keep them updated. Meanwhile, pay for any items that are eaten or drunk, and try to return the rest if possible (if someone can sneak them away from him).

You have my sincere best wishes for getting a placement soon: no part of the legal system is really equipped to deal with this problem, and everyone expects the family to do it—only of course, it's not that easy.

❤️