New to everything.

upstairsdownstairs

I really enjoy reading the posts and discussions.
Changes seem to be coming fast. Moms fell about 6 weeks ago and I now believe this may have somehow triggered these new events. She is finding items around the house, clothing, pantry items, nail polish and doesn’t recognize them and thinks I’m playing tricks on her, sneaking new clothes, into her closet, pantry etc. Today she was upset because her old address book has been rewritten with a new book. I’m caught off guard and not sure how to respond. I usually say -show me when I come to visit, after adamantly denying having anything to do with the supposed prank. Now she wants to change the locks on her doors because she believes someone’s breaking in and doing these things. I was so expecting her to not recognize or remember new things, but not things she’s been using for years. Moms is 91 and has 2 older sisters not showing any signs of dementia. We officially took the car away about a month ago and now trying to get her to stay with us but she’s not quite ready yet. I asked the doctor about meds, but he said it wouldn’t be safe for her to start taking new meds at her age. Does she need to be evaluated to determine its Alzheimer’s? I thought there could be an appropriate med to slow the progression. Also help her sleep at night rather than so sporadically.

M1

Welcome to the forum. I disagree with this doctor (I am one myself). If she is delusional and not sleeping well, she would almost certainly benefit from an atypical antipsychotic like Seroquel/quetiapine to tamp down the delusions ( and it works great for sleep fragmentation). These drugs do carry a black box warning regarding increased risk of vascular events in the elderly, but the absolute risk is low and the tradeoff may be worth it. It will not do anything to slow the progression of the disease, but i would be less concerned about that because of her extreme age.

She should absolutely not be living alone. Do you have power of attorney? In many cases you may have to make a change in the living arrangements without her consent or buyin, but safety needs to be primary.

Anonymousjpl123

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. Paranoia is definitely a big part of alzheimers and was actually a very big early sign with my mom.

You may soon need to make the decision about her staying with you, even if she doesnt want it. It is hard, but I had to do the same decision-making when my mom was no longer safe.

Also, I totally agree with M1 about medication. There is no medication that can slow the progression, but there are medications that can bring relief from anxiety and delusions.

I am glad you found this forum. It has been an enormous support for me. Hope you can find some relief and good advice here, too.

H1235

Unfortunately when we (myself included) think of dementia we tend to think only of memory loss. It is so much more. I would not expect her to accept that she needs to move. One of the more difficult aspects of dementia is anosognosia. It is the inability to recognize their symptoms or lack of ability. Doing things against our LO wishes is difficult! If paranoia or anger is directed at you it will make her moving in with you very complicated. Sometimes AL can be less triggering. Do you have a DPOA? You’re going to need it. If you want her to move in with you I would just do it. Take her to lunch while another person moves belongings. Then bring her to your house. I would suggest you really think the move through. Moves can be tough, another move from your house to AL in a few months would be difficult. You will need the DPOA for a move to AL. You might be able to move her to your house without it, but you’re going to need it to manage finances. I would be very concerned about her finances. Are bills being paid in a timely way? She is very vulnerable to scammers! You have a lot to do and a lot of difficult decisions to make. Your not alone.

mabelgirl

I’m glad you found this forum, it’s been resourceful for me. Hopefully you can get the DPOA without too much angst, you absolutely will need it. I echo the others in advice about medications, without them my mom’s agitation and paranoia was unbearable and frankly scary at times. You may also want to find a pcp that specializes in older patients either a geriatric or at least a practice with one on staff. Think carefully on moving mom in. I did that in part because she needed a safe home to be at but also I had wished it would help with paranoia. It didn’t and then since I was the only target the verbal accusation and meanness kept growing. I had to up her medication with dr direction of course, but it never eliminated it altogether. It takes a mental toll on you and try as you might your relationship will take a hit. I believe solutions for a family faced with caring for PWD must be one best for the whole family.
Prayers for wisdom and relief.

upstairsdownstairs

Thank you all so much for the advice. It helped me decide to move ahead with a new Doctor that specializes in geriatrics right away. I did recently get a DPOA when the scammer issues started. That was an eye opening mess.

I struggle with the thought of AL. DM has two older sisters still living at home at 97 and 100. They’re the reason she hasn’t moved in w/me yet. They talked her out of it. Probably so they could continue with their situation.
I need to do something to keep mom safe and that means AL or living w/ me.
I was wondering, what pros and cons to consider before deciding whether a DM should go to AL versus living with family?
Are there things I should be noticing now that are telltale signs of how things could negatively impact her living with me?

I noticed a few things mentioned in the last comments and I thought I should ask if there are more things to consider.

Thanks so much for the straight talk.

I really appreciate the comments .