Bathing why it’s a struggle

Morag1212

I’m new to all this and the group. Yesterday was a bad day for me I have never reached out before but mum for the first time ever got so angry and nasty to me it was a shock never has she done this before in my whole life and I’m 52. All because I’m trying to get her to bathe. I hope and pray she doesn’t start to associate me with bathing and become a fear of me xx

Anonymousjpl123

Hi Morag and welcome to the forum. Bathing is a really, really difficult thing for many people with alz and dementia. My mom would have no part of it and it is still a huge struggle. Thankfully she now has skilled caregivers who seem to find ways.

Have you thought about having someone come in to help? Maybe telling her it is a spa day? Others may have concrete suggestions.

Regina312

Bathing is a nightmare. For some reason they freak out with the shower or a bath. My mother would have no part of it. I was my mother's caregiver. But you will learn thru trial and error (so to speak) to find a way that works for you. I used to fill the sink up with hot, soapy water. I put bath mats and towels on the floor. Sometimes a basin on the floor as well with soapy water to cleanse her feet. She used to like to play in the soapy water - sort of like a child - while she was playing with her hands in the sink, I would take a wash cloth and wash Mom. I would give her a cloth also and tell her to wipe her face and her privates (sometimes it worked - sometimes it did not). Luckily she had short hair so it was easy to wash and care for. I would take a cup and rinse her - gently pouring it over her and her hair. Like bathing an infant. It was quite the ordeal and a long process. Lots of love and patience. Good Luck to you.

psg712

Yes, this was one of the issues that eventually resulted in my mom going to memory care. She would refuse assistance for showers in assisted living and they would just let her stay unwashed in the same clothes for about 2 weeks. When I tried to take on the shower responsibility, I only got her into the shower twice. She was completely baffled about why I would ask her to sit naked on a bench in a booth and then pour water on her! Washing her hair seemed to scare her. In MC they seem to know how to get her bathed smoothly. Even so, they report to me that she will occasionally still refuse a shower but will allow them to use bathing cloths to wipe her down.

housefinch

My stepdad (PWD) is also now in MC because of agitation & progression, including this bathing battle. I think he gets premedicated before bathing now or is on an antipsychotic.

Cathecfs

Cathe: I am with you all on bathing. My husband starts yelling and screaming at me and bathing is so scary that I just have to pick a time he seems to have more cognition whatever time of day that might be, but it is never easy. The water is either too hot or too cold but once in the shower after a few minutes he is fine. He will not let anyone else see him naked so caregivers are unable to help! Any other suggestions would be gratefully accepted. Sponge baths are definitely out of the question as well.

SusanB-dil

Hi Morag1212 - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

Bathing is also on the top of the list for us. "I've already washed" "I didn't do anything to get dirty" "Who are you to say I need to bathe". ugh! We were finally able to get someone in to help.

Many times, a PWD actually thinks they have washed already. Sometimes it is just too much that is involved. We wash without thinking about it. But if you break it down and do think about it, there are a lot of steps involved, and they just cannot do it themselves any longer. Another reason is that they can lose depth perception. There have been studies and some folks without anosognosia have said that the bathtub can look more like a deeeeep hole that they don't want to step into. Basically, it is all so confusing for some.

With some, it may help to warm the bathroom, maybe play some favorite low-key music, and get it all ready to go for them. It may not, but maybe worth a try. That didn't help us, but she would wash if we warmed up some water in the sink. As Regina312 mom, she kind'a liked to play in the water for a bit, but it worked, for a while.

H1235

I have zero experience here, but I do remember seeing something about the person with dementia may not recognize themselves in the mirror. When seeing their reflection in the mirror they may feel uncomfortable that there is a stranger in the room with them. The suggestion was to cover the mirrors. It could be so many thing’s causing the problem. For those of you that do in home care I don’t know how you do it. I hope you can find something that works.