Placement or Home Health

Lkrielow99

I’m at a crossroad.  My 75yr DH has landed himself in the Psych Unit.  He became very agitated.  His reasoning is broken and there is no real reason for his behavior accept his delusions about money and his disabled truck.  He also hallucinates and wanders.  He is no longer able to talk coherently, except for a couple stories he can tell but mixes them up a little.  While pacing,  ranting, rubbing his arms, and checking the garage every few minutes, I understood him say “it’s not IF but WHEN I commit suicide”.  Then I heard him open the garage door.  By the time I could put the dogs up, find my purse and keys, he had already walked to the highway.  I picked him up and brought him to the ER.  They are keeping him to observe and then prescribe different meds for his behavior.  They called and asked if he would be coming back home.  That’s a loaded question.  I visited him and he hates everything, they are all idiots and he says thanks for treating him like a turd.  That’s all I could understand after one hour visit.  Obviously not on the right meds.  Here’s my real thoughts.  Hurricane Francine will strike this afternoon.  I asked if he knows that and he mumbled it was on TV.   That’s it, no concern for me.  The staff says he is acting grandiose.  Our last outing he made two racist remarks and I scolded him.  The part of his personality that remains is horrible.  I’m thinking about placing him.  My mental and physical health is declining, I have an autoimmune disease and this isn’t helping me.  I loved who he was, but not what’s left.  He won’t see the actual doctor until Friday, two more nights.  The staff will have time to observe and take more notes for the doctor.  My SIL wants him placed.  Their family has this disease in their DNA and she has been a caregiver before.  She is 80 and has neurological issues.  The other sister now has Alzheimer’s and taking meds to slow progression.  His mother and her two sisters died from Alzheimer’s.  We all know where this leads.  I’m not handling this well.  Im 65 and have only one son to help with heavy things.  What are some pros and cons for him to remain at home under my sole care?  Is it time for professional home health or placement in the VA home?  We have a LTC policy that covers either.  You guys are amazing and I’m blessed to have found this group.  TIA

midge333

I think placing him in MC makes the most sense given your health issues. Otherwise, there will be two victims of his dementia.

dayn2nite2

There is no pro to having him at home under these circumstances. Your SIL is right, he needs to be placed, and the LTC policy triggered if you need. Please start looking for facilities now, and see an attorney for planning for eventual Medicaid.

The LTC policy will not pay forever, so you need to choose a facility that will allow transfer to a Medicaid bed after the LTC policy is exhausted. Don't move any money or assets without a consultation with an attorney.

Lkrielow99

midge333 & dayn2nite2: I do agree with you both. I’m struggling with making the transition. I know once it’s done I can figure it out and manage his care better. I suck at being a caregiver, I make so many mistakes and have to apologize to him. I sent his favorite jacket to the psych unit and now I’m going to have to get it back so it doesn’t get misplaced.

M1

let them help you place him. I had to do this; we’ve had a hard go of it, but I promise you it’s not the end of the world. The controlled environment may help him more than you know.

jfkoc

I do not think you can make a decision without looking carefully at your placement options. That will mean several visits at different times of the day plus looking at their licenses and contracts. The visits should be lengthy and at different times of the day. You will also need to fully understand the initial and ongoing training used, your rights as well as your participation in treatment.

Lkrielow99

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/222526#Comment_222526

I totally agree jfoc. I did a lot of homework and visited a few when the sitters came. There is a VA home with a MC unit in my small town. It’s rated # 8 in the US. I’ve talked with friends who have LO there and everyone I speak with loves the home. I sat in the parking lot until a few people came out and I asked them how good was the home. I have been there to deliver gifts. I applied and he qualifies and last week they said they had a room for him. I’m thinking he is such a social person, keeping him in a chair alone at home isn’t a good life for him or for me. He won’t get out of psych unit for a couple weeks. Thanks for your input.

Lkrielow99

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/222523#Comment_222523

M1, good idea. I will do that.

midge333

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/222530#Comment_222530

That sounds perfect! Good luck!