Take me home, I want to go home

Katie S

I’ve dreaded this day for so long. I brought my mom to a memory care facility today. I told her it was temporary while my dad and I were out of town but she could tell by looking around what was going on. She said - this is not right, I want to go home, take me home

I try to tell myself this is safer for her. But I’m just picturing her there crying and alone and confused. The heartbreak of this disease is never ending.

For those who have gone through this - do I visit tomorrow? What will help her settle in?

M1

Hi Katie and welcome. These are hard decisions. Many recommend not visiting in the first few weeks to give her time to establish new routines. Have you discussed how to proceed with the MC staff?

kblau

hi Katie. I’m going through this too. It’s been 2 weeks tomorrow she will be there. I was advised to wait to see her. I visited her on day 10 and it was very hard. I checked back in on her 2 days ago and it was better. You’re not alone. This is very hard to figure out how to navigate.

Do you have an Alexa show in her room? It allows me to peek in and see her when bet I want, as long as she is in the room.

GailBD

I am so sad with you. I am torn between leaving mom at home and next steps for assisted living. She is refusing the nurse to come in at home and wants me to stay with her. The nurse, my daughter and I were taking turns to care for her. She lives alone, but my son lives next door, but is not a caregiver. Only to run errands and bring her food.

I had to leave her at the hospital to care for a wound. She kept taking the bandage off until it got infected. She only stayed for 5 days, but they had to sedate her and strap her to the bed because she wanted to go home. She gets so upset when I leave. I am so frustrated, but afraid of what you are going through.

kblau

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/222629#Comment_222629

Gail I think what you are going through is really tough. The heartache is real with mom being in MC but I know it’s safer for her. And for the first time in a long time I can focus on something else and actually grieve. 🙏

SeekingAnswers25

> @"Katie S" said:
> I’ve dreaded this day for so long. I brought my mom to a memory care facility today. I told her it was temporary while my dad and I were out of town but she could tell by looking around what was going on. She said - this is not right, I want to go home, take me home
> I try to tell myself this is safer for her. But I’m just picturing her there crying and alone and confused. The heartbreak of this disease is never ending.
>
> For those who have gone through this - do I visit tomorrow? What will help her settle in?

> @"Katie S" said:
> I’ve dreaded this day for so long. I brought my mom to a memory care facility today. I told her it was temporary while my dad and I were out of town but she could tell by looking around what was going on. She said - this is not right, I want to go home, take me home
> I try to tell myself this is safer for her. But I’m just picturing her there crying and alone and confused. The heartbreak of this disease is never ending.
>
> For those who have gone through this - do I visit tomorrow? What will help her settle in?

@KatieS I don’t have any answers or suggestions for you. But wanted to reach out because our family is about to do the same thing. We brought Mom to a senior living community for an assessment and we have been approved for a room for her in the memory care unit. Just waiting for some admin hoops to be completed. I don’t even know where to start. The thought of leaving her there all alone is beyond heart wrenching. But it has become too much for my Dad to keep her at their home and being her primary care giver. We knew this day was coming, but I still haven’t found a way to reconcile all the feelings. I know this is best for her safety, best for Dad’s health and well being. I just wonder if she is going to be ok there? Or if she will be feeling totally lost, sad and alone. I’m looking for any advice or examples here too. I will hope for the best for you and your family as well!

kblau

hey! I’m 2 weeks into my mom being in MC. There is no clear cut answer to this. Talk to the director and let them guide you. I honestly wish I could say it’s going to be fine but my motto has become ‘is she okay in this moment right now? Am I okay? Am I able to give what’s needed to the rest of my family (my 4 year old)? What other option is there? Is this the disease or my mom?’

I run through that list and it helps….