DH suddenly in end stage…

Petra2024

It looks like DH is eligible for hospice due to “failing to thrive” from CHF, moderate brain atrophy, NPH, and other issues. After months of stressing over the losses of his decline, trying to prevent him from falling, to figure out how to care for him for possibly another several years, now I’ve been in his hospital room 24/7 for 12 days, at first aiming to help him get well enough to bring him home, but suddenly in the last few days things have turned. As of tonight he’s on morphine for comfort for shortness of breath etc., he’s being evaluated by the hospice team, and I’m in a room where he’s stopped waking up calling for help, or trying to get out of bed on legs that aren’t working. It’s so quiet and he’s sedated. I know people say you can’t prepare for this moment and I find it’s true. More of him is inaccessible now. More of the minutes pass without constant red alert status in case he hurts himself. He’s calm but leaving little by little. I’m becoming someone whose life is changing quickly into a life without him. I didn’t cry much in the red alert months and years of his different illnesses, so focused on the practical needs. Now I’m crying over tiny things. I’m not sure who I’ll be soon. I’m grateful to think his suffering could be ending. But after 51 years together I feel our life together is dissolving and my heart is shattering. I don’t know how all of us here bear the unbearable.

Karen711

Dear Petra- I'm a way off from where you are right now, but I think of how I will feel when my DW gets to this stage. My heart goes out to you and I wish you strength and love!

Karen

Jgirl57

So sorry Petra, hugs for your 51 years together and after all you have done to help your DH you are stronger than you know. Peace to you and your family as this time passes.

M1

Treasure these last moments together. Think of what he would want for you and im sure its a good life. He would want you to go on, and he will be at peace. There is such mercy in that. Keep us posted.

Petra2024

thank you so very much for your kind words and @M1 your comments all through have helped me navigate the medical system.
He’s on morphine and Ativan now and I wonder if the dose can be adjusted down a bit so he’s able to communicate a little more without putting him in the restlessness state. I guess that will be today’s focus when I speak with the doctor. I still have the role of watching and reporting what I see in the hours when the medical folks aren’t in the room. This stage feels important too — while he’s in transition— to keep him pain free and breathing without distress but still able to have as much awareness as seems possible— he was able to enjoy seeing a friend yesterday and say a few words to them and I don’t want to rob him of those moments.

jfkoc

There is nothing that can prepare for this.

I send my love, a strong shoulder and as many hugs as needed.

Please know we are by your side and please keep us updated when you can.

-Judith-

Caro_Lynne

Petra, keeping you and your DH in my prayers xo

midge333

Good thoughts Petra. I hope your DH dies quickly and painlessly.

SDianeL

so sorry. My husband passed August 12 after rapid decline. Although he’s sedated he may be able to hear you. A nurse told me to talk to him so I talked to my husband constantly. I played our favorite song. The last full sentence he said was “I love you too Babe” ❤️ Praying for your husband and for your strength and comfort. 🙏