Mealtime - Give Up or Keeping Trying

Ochunlade

Hi, Everyone. I'm hoping to get some perspective on Alzheimer's and mealtime. My mother is the middle stages of Alzheimer's, has 8 hours of care every day and eats dinner with us every night. She also eats much better with family, still small portions, but usually anything offered to her. I pulled back to reduce my stress level, allowing the aides to prepare her food, taking the suggested, "Let her eat what she wants," approach. I regret it, not a fan. She lost 4-6 pounds in 4 months, going from 98 lbs. to 92 lbs. She is 4' 9".

I fell perpetually caught between guilt, "Am I being a 'good enough' daughter," and frustration. I've tried all sorts of things to make sure my mother eats well, including trying Meals on Wheels and preparing all of her lunches, leaving them labelled in the fridge. Mom has either substituted with sweets, thrown out food or refused prepared meals for a variety of reasons: including 1) changing tastes; 2) preference for soft and sweet foods; 3) feeling overwhelmed by food choices in the fridge; 4) not recognizing food anymores; 5) reduced fine motor skills; intolerance of textures/effort; and 6) likely, expressions of independence. It's not that she doesn't like what I prepare — I've tested out that theory, by giving her the same food on another occasion. There is no swallowing difficulty or other medical reasons for the weight loss.

So, now I have consulted a nutritionist and stepped back in. I'm providing lunches and more detailed instruction to caregivers regarding snacks and alternatives to meals. Some aides follow through, some just go with the refusal, some "forget" to offer snacks if she grazes at breakfast and lunch. I know what the eventually feeding picture looks like — we are not there, yet some days, I just feel like giving up. Meals and nutrition are on mind throughout the day, every day.

Have others gone through this struggle? At some point, do caregivers just give up all these efforts? When is that? What do mealtimes look like at that point? I'm sure I'm not alone. Some days, my efforts don't feel at all like managing symptoms, but delaying the inevitable and I ask myself, "What am I delaying here?"